This is it! This is actually it! This is actually Eurovision week. Finally. Finally.

You’ll be bored of these reminders by Saturday, but don’t forget that we’re liveblogging the Eurovision Song Contest this weekend, right here. We’re doing it because we love you. And you love us too, right? You love us enough to stay in and comment on the liveblog, right? Because lord knows that we’re pathetic enough for doing it in the first place. We don’t want to be doing it alone.

Here are the Eurovision 2009 profiles for Quartissimo and Martina Majerle from Slovenia and Soraya Arnelas from Spain…

Slovenia · Quartissimo and Martina Majerle, Love Symphony

Confusing Slovenia and Slovakia used to be quite easy to do – after all, they sound the same and we get the impression that people from both countries are monobrowed hunchbacks – but not any more, and we’ve got Eurovision to thank for that. As we’ve already told you, Slovakia’s Eurovision entry is morbidly depressing, but Slovenia’s sounds like it should be used on an advert for diamonds or wildly expensive catfood or something. Love Symphony by Quartissimo and Martina Majerle is also unusual for another reason – there’s hardly any singing in it. Honestly, the first third of the song is nothing but a bunch of old men wanking about on violins, and you don’t even get to see what the singer looks like until about 30 seconds from the end. It’s all very mysterious. Mysterious but not good. Definitely not good.

Spain · Soraya Arnelas, La noche es para mí

Before we start, let’s play a game. Guess which Spain has entered Eurovision this year – the one that’s all history and flamenco guitars and boredom, or the one that’s all Benidorm and all-inclusive chip dinners and awfulness? Neither! In a dramatic departure from the norm, Spain has tried something fresh and new for this year’s Eurovision – it’s decided to rip off Touch My Fire, the 2005 UK Eurovision entry by Javine. Only, you know, it’s in Spanish so it’s a sort of Javine/Dora The Explorer hybrid. In English, La Noche Es Para Mi means ‘the night is for me’, from which we can presume that Soraya Arnelas is either a drug addict, a burglar or a Slow Loris. Any of these things would be more interesting than the song itself, mind you, which appears to go on for several decades without ever really doing anything.

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