Welcome to week three of our 400-week-long look at the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest.

We know you’re only reading this because you’re a crazy-eyed Eurovision fanatic, so here’s a Eurovision fact for you: Poland made the most impressive debut in 1994, when Edyta Gorniak came second with To Nie Ja, closely followed by Serbia’s victory in 2007. Cut that fact out and keep it, Eurovision fans. Cut it out of the internet. With scissors.

Here’s today’s Eurovision 2009 profile – it’s Krassimir Avramov from Bulgaria…

Bulgaria · Krassimir Avramov, Illusion

Krassimir Avramov is obviously a man. Just look at the video to his Eurovision entry Illusion for evidence – there he is, riding a charging stallion in a full suit of armour ready to destroy his enemies. What a man he is. He makes us feel emasculated. Or at least he would if Illusion didn’t sound like a tinpot remix of an embarrassingly sub-Backstreet Boys winge-ballad. It doesn’t help that Krassimir Avramov has a voice like a eunach falling head-first into a theremin, nor that the English lyrics are all rendered incomprehensible by his tendency to yelp like he’s been goosed in the middle of every single word he sings. Obviously the flat-out misery of Illusion’s very existence is partially lightened by the fact that Krassimir has inexplicably decided to use a fully topless woman in its official video – which is also the reason why we’re moving to Bulgaria as soon as possible – but we can’t see him getting away with this trick come the actual Eurovision finals. Shame.

Tomorrow – Croatia!

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