You hear that? In the distance? It sounds a bit like camp irony and a lot like objectively dreadful Europop.

This means that the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest is less than a month away! No wonder there’s such a flurry of excitement everywhere. For instance, it’s just been announced that all the Eurovision entries are available to download from the official Eurovision website for 99 cents each. Obviously you could put your money to better use and buy some poison, but who are we to judge?

Here’s the Eurovision 2009 rundowns for Zoli Ádok from Hungary and Yohanna from Iceland…

Hungary · Zoli Ádok, Dance with Me

Brilliant. Try saying “Dance with me” in a Hungarian accent without making it sound menacing. It’s impossible. For that, Hungary’s 2009 Eurovision entry deserves a point. And another point for describing their own song as “a modern pop-song for the lovers of high standard party-music” in an apparently straight-faced manner. But sadly points have to be deducted for the way that Dance With Me sounds like a Take That B-side from 1992 when everyone was still allowed to dislike them, and further points deducted for the fact that Zoli Adok is most famous for playing the lead in the Hungarian Joseph And His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. Honesty, one Andrew Lloyd Webber-themed Eurovision entry is bad enough – two is just taking the piss.

Iceland · Yohanna, Is It True?

We don’t know why we’re even writing about Is It True, because traditionally Iceland never gets into the Eurovision final. Never ever. But this year might be different, for the following reasons: 1) Yohanna is a strikingly pretty girl rather than the butch, unironic Meatloaf tribute act Iceland usually enters, 2) Yohanna’s Eurovision biography is so glowing that we wouldn’t be surprised if it ended by detailing her sidelines in rescuing kittens from burning skyscrapers and single-handedly curing cancer, and 3) Is It True is the first Eurovision song we’ve heard for ages that isn’t a cacky dance tune. Also, we think we might actually be in love with Yohanna, and that’s probably clouding our unusually positive profile. Sorry.

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