You can’t deny that these Eurovision 2009 profiles aren’t getting exciting – we even had bare boobs a couple of days ago, for crying out loud.

But the best is yet to come. And when we say ‘best’ we mean ‘majority’. Surely something good has to come up in the next month, right? Anything – a tune that doesn’t make us want to shatter our skull into microscopic fragments would be a nice treat at the moment, to be honest. Oh, who are we kidding, that’ll never happen.

Here’s the Eurovision 2009 rundown for Christina Metaxa from Cyprus…

Cyprus · Christina Metaxa, Firefly

Finally! It’s taken a fortnight, but we’ve got our first example of Eurovision Pretty Girl Bribery. Those clever Cypriots have decided to enter Christina Metaxa – a cute 16-year-old girl in a very slightly inappropriate frock – in the hope that the few heterosexual men watching Eurovision will vote for her so they can see her again. It’s a neat trick – it’s worked in the past – and Firefly is a nice, if somewhat slight, tune. But there’s just one problem. Watch the video above. Get to about the 1:35 mark. Firefly calls for one soaring note to smash into the chorus – but instead Christina decides to sing every other note in the musical scale, in a seemingly random order, loud enough to startle any domestic pets that happen to be lying around. We don’t know if Christina Metaxa is planning to do this for the Eurovision final, but we hope so. It’s not as if she’s going to win otherwise, is it?

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!