We feel for Emma Bunton sometimes, we really do – she's probably the Spice Girl with the least amount of international success; plus Emma Bunton is capable of giving her offspring names that are terrible, but only slightly so.

Emma Bunton has recently given birth to her first child, a baby boy named Beau. Now, before you start complaining that Beau is a genuinely terrible name for Emma Bunton's baby because Beau Bunton sounds like a sound effect from 1960s Batman TV show fight-scene, remember that Emma Bunton had the baby with her long-term boyfriend Jade Jones. And while we'll admit that Beau Jones sounds a bit like a man with a severe cold shouting "my nose!" it's not nearly as terrible a baby name as we've come to expect from the Spice Girls. Here's hoping that someone knocks Emma Bunton up with a little boy named Mimsy within days to counter this terrible oversight.

Picture the scene – the year is 2023 and the Spice Girls, having failed to achieve any solo success after their last cack-handed reunion 16 years previously, are staging yet another comeback. It's also a chance for the Spice Girls' teenage children to get to know each other. The children of David and Victoria Beckham – Romeo, Brooklyn, Cruz and 10-year-old Plfgh – are riding robot hover-horses made of solid gold around backstage, while Bluebell Madonna Halliwell is still trying to get over the emotional trauma of having such an overbearing mother and Angel Iris Brown pushes the conversation on whenever it even gets semi-close to mentioning Norbit with all the skill of someone who's obviously done it a million times before. And then there's Beau Jones, son of Emma Bunton, who's left standing in the corner because his mother couldn't even be bothered to give him a properly appalling name.

Because, when you think of the Spice Girls – after you've thought of the relentless product-sponsoring, the tits-out hen-night screaming masquerading as feminism and the terrible, terrible music – you think of awful baby names. Emma Bunton must have realised the pressure of giving her baby a crappy name the moment she fell pregnant with it. But what name could Emma Bunton give her new baby? Various Spice Girls had already named their kids after assorted fictional romantic figures, the place where the baby was conceived, famous singers, a supernatural religious being and a bit of someone's eye, a Manchester gay bar and whatever the hell a Phoenix Chi is, so what did Emma Bunton decide to name her son after? That bloke out of Stargate, that's what. MTV reports:

Emma Bunton has given birth to a baby boy called Beau. The 31 year old Spice Girl had the sprog on Friday (August 10). The father former Damage (remember them?) singer Jade Jones said: "He is absolutely brilliant and both baby and Emma are doing fine.”

Stupid name aside, we're thrilled for Emma Bunton, Jade Jones and baby Beau, and the timing of the baby only reinforces what a selfless individual Emma Bunton really is. After everything she's done – like performing on TV dance shows while the other Spice Girls went on to slightly greater global fame – the kindness that Emma Bunton has shown by giving birth to a baby boy a few short months before the Spice Girls reunion is to take place is staggering. At least we presume that Emma Bunton only had the baby now so that Geri wouldn't be the fattest one onstage come December, but we could be wrong.

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Emma Bunton's Baby Beau – MTV