Eminem Not Ever Starring In Grand Theft Auto: The Movie

Eminem's been awfully quiet lately - so quiet that he hasn't even guff-headedly tried to get remarried to his ex-ex-ex-wife in the last couple of months.

But maybe that's because Eminem was quietly hatching a plan to get his name back up in lights again. Maybe Eminem was preparing to take the lead in a brand new movie based on Grand Theft Auto.

No. No he wasn't. According to GTA producers Rockstar, Eminem was never going to star in a Grand Theft Auto movie, because a Grand Theft Auto movie was never going to be made. Good thing too - we always had Eminem down as more of an Irritating Stick kinda guy anyway.

A few years ago, Eminem had the world at his feet. He'd managed to achieve the impossible and become a credible white rapper, he'd punished all those who'd ever held him back in the past by making Dido famous and there was talk of him winning an Oscar for 8 Mile even though he was so transparently playing himself that we're surprised that the movie didn't end with him remarrying and divorcing the same woman 16 times in a row. 

Since then, though, Eminem hasn't contributed anything to the world of cinema. To be fair Eminem hasn't contributed much to anything lately, except perhaps the pneumonia-suffering lardballs statistics, but let's just focus on the world of cinema for now, OK?

Remember that talk of Eminem starring as a modern-day gun-totin' cowboy in that Have Gun Will Travel remake? Didn't happen. But you might have heard that Eminem was getting ready to star in a movie based on the Grand Theft Auto videogame series - that's still definitely on. And when we say 'definitely on' we mean 'not even vaguely going to ever happen, especially if it's got Eminem in it.'

If you haven't guessed, Rockstar has shot down rumours of the Eminem-starring Grand Theft Auto movie. MTV reports:

On Tuesday night, Variety reported that "a deal was virtually in place with one of the six major movie studios" to begin development of a "GTA" movie, possibly starring Eminem. But the deal, according to the report, fell through for unknown reasons. Reached for comment by MTV News, Dan Houser, vice president of creative at Rockstar, said no movie was ever in the works. "Not as far as we are concerned… Some movie producers were trying to put something together to entice us to make a movie, as studios and production teams frequently have done in the past. This proposal was no more interesting than the numerous others we receive. We never entertained proceeding with the project."

It's a shame, really, because Eminem would be perfect for the lead in a Grand Theft Auto movie; running around, shooting people, stealing their cars, climbing up the criminal underworld's career ladder, all set to - if there was any justice and based on Vice City - pop hits of the 1980s. Although, of course, if the Grand Theft Auto movie has Eminem in it, it'd be relocated to Detroit and have a soundtrack of Eminem songs rather than Luther Vandross songs. And it would be about a struggling white rapper instead of a would-be criminal.

Still, now that the Grand Theft Auto movie has been officially denied, Eminem can go back and do what makes him most happy these days - eating relentlessly and catching serious lung diseases.

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'Grand Theft Auto' Movie, Possibly Starring Eminem, Shot Down By Rockstar Games - MTV