Thankfully we don't know all that much about Eminem's penis except that sometimes it goes "doing doing doing" if he sees an "ass like that" and that it probably doesn't take too kindly to being stared at by gawping onlookers in urinals.
That's according to a man who claimed that Eminem had starting indiscriminately punching him in the toilets of a Detroit strip club on Thursday, at least. The staring bit, that is – not the ass thing. We don't know if his ass made Eminem's pee-pee going "doing doing doing." But now, for some reason, the apparent victim has dropped the assault charges against Eminem.
A few years ago, Eminem was always getting in trouble with the law. He was put on probation for two years on concealed weapons charges after apparently pistol whipping a man who seemed to be kissing his wife back in 2000. But recently it seemed as if Eminem had turned over a new leaf and started to behave himself.
Perhaps it was the new-found responsibility of raising his daughter Hailie Jade which made Eminem less aggressive, or maybe it was down to Eminem focusing on other things, like remarrying and then divorcing his ex-wife Kim, or his obsessive urge to control all the Eminem ring tones in the world. Either way, Eminem's nose stayed clean for a while.
And then a man told Detroit police that Eminem had beaten him up in a strip club toilet for no reason. The man, who calls himself Miad J, told Detroit's WXYZ TV:
"Eminem got done and boom. He started swinging. I was just minding my own business, taking a leak."
Quite why Eminem got so done and boom is unclear, as is the reason why Miad J has so suddenly dropped the assault charges against him. The police aren't even sure – Detroit Police Department spokesman Sgt. Eren Stephens Bell says that in the initial report:
"He said that the suspect had struck him several times."
Perhaps Eminem will clear this mess up soon by rapping about it. In a comedy Mexican accent, hopefully.
[story by Stuart Heritage]