Elton John vrs Madonna: Still Bickering Like Massive Bitches

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Modern society, we’re so advanced aren’t we? With our two-in-one shampoo and conditioner and trendy high street café’s selling luxury iced coffee! Really, we’ve never had it so good. But all of this pampering has left us soft as a nation.

Back in the days of the Vikings and Romans, heated disputes were usually sorted with a punch-up whilst a baying crowd watched until one opponent cried blood.

Now feuding people take to media to vent their rage. If you’re Elton John, an American TV show to talk about Madonna, specifically.

Earlier this month, Madonna bagged an award in the best song category at the Golden Globe ceremony. We’ve heard neither track so have no feeling towards them. Rest assured though, we think they’re both terrible.

However, trophy-whore Elton wasn’t best pleased and didn’t disguise his displeasure at the result. Now he’s bringing out the bitchy comments ahead of Madonna’s Super Bowl performance on Sunday; get the handbags ready!

Sometimes it’s difficult to take Elton John seriously. After all, he is a fan of stupid clothing and this time proved no different. During this particular interview, he was dressed as a monarch. We’re not sure if he’d just been to Burger King and got into character, but none the less, he looked like an utter tit.

See for yourself.

Clearly still chewing on a bunch of sour grapes, Elton had the following to say about Madonna’s upcoming halftime performance at the Super Bowl:

“Make sure you lip-synch good. I’ve never seen a decent one. Never ever. You have to play live, but I don’t think you can. In all fairness to everyone who’s done one before, you may be able to sing live, but it’s really hard to play live.”

Hmm, we’re not entirely sure what Elton John wants Madonna to do. Perhaps he wants her to revisit her glory days when she tried to act sexy and wriggled around in various bondage outfits. But this won’t happen on two counts. Firstly, Madonna is old and saggy like a deflated dog-chew and, Americans get scared of naked flesh. Remember this?

WARNING PEOPLE TO THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA! DON’T SUE US IF YOU SEE THE NAKED BODYPART AT THE END OF THE VIDEO, OKAY?

Even though American football is for girls due to the amount of padding they use, we do have to give them some respect for the shows they put on.

In proper rugby where there’s no soft protective helmets or extra thick layers of clothing so nobody catches a cold, there isn’t a halftime spectacle to watch. The six nation halftime break has no excitement, at best, there’s a scramble as fans run to the burger kiosk to battle it out for that last remaining fattening treat.

Come Sunday evening, Madonna will be prancing around in clothes that she nicked from her daughters’ wardrobe whilst Elton John and his man wife David Furnish throw nacho hats at the TV in disgust.

Poor them.

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