If you thought that the US general election only appealed Americans, think again – British tubby gay bald gap-toothed piano players with vision problems are also mad into it.
And since the only British tubby gay bald gap-toothed piano player with vision problem in existence is Elton John, we must mean him. Elton John is throwing down on the side of Hillary Clinton, and is holding a fundraising concert in New York next month to prove it.
No doubt Elton John's concert will raise a lot of money for Hillary Clinton – it'll basically be the same as his Las Vegas show, but with all the glamour and sex replaced with hectoring speeches about immigration reform. Good old Elton, always giving the people what they want.
The race to become the Democratic candidate in this year's general election isn't going to won or lost with speeches or debates or detailed policy explanations. No. It's already become clear that the Democratic candidate this year will be chosen by celebrities.
And that's right and just and true, because people get sad when celebrities die and they'll barely even notice when you die. Plus your wife would leave you for Ben Affleck in a second, but you don't stand a stinking chance of even ever getting within 250 feet of Jennifer Garner.
And the race to gather the most celebrity endorsements is spookily echoing the actual voting. Barack Obama has more celebrity endorsements, but they're all from rubbish celebrities like The Grateful Dead and Robert DeNiro and Zach Braff and Jessica Biel. Meanwhile, every time it looks as if Hillary Clinton is falling fatally behind in the celebrity endorsement race she'll slam back into contention with a video by a scary old megastar like Jack Nicolson.
And now Hillary Clinton might just be edging ahead, because she's convinced Elton John to play a fundraising concert for her in New York next month even though hes not even American, as the Washington Post reveals:
The British pop icon — who was knighted by HM Queen Elizabeth II — announced today he will be performing to raise money at a Hillary Clinton fundraiser April 9 at Radio City Music Hall in New York… Elton John sent an e-mail today alerting Clinton supporters to the planned performance, including a pricing schedule that will include two tiers of showgoers, those who buy box office seats at $125 or $250, and those who grab choice seats at prices of $500, $1,000 or $2,300 — the maximum allowed for a campaign contribution.
Radio City Music Hall seats 6,000, so there's bound to be a lot of money raised for the Hillary Clinton election effort. However, let's not forget that the Hillary Clinton campaign will have to pay to stage the show itself – and once Elton John has his dressing room filled with flowers and candles and fountains and chocolate statues of himself, we wouldn't exactly be surprised if Hillary Clinton ends up so poor that she has to hitchhike to Pennsylvania next month in return for several grisly handjobs.
But, aside from the short-term financial impact of the concert, will the support of Elton John – a foreigner who hasn't had a US number one for 17 years – help gather up more voters for Hillary Clinton? Hardly – at this point, voters have already hardered into staunch support for either Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton. Sure, there might be a few remaining swing voters around, but none of them will vote until they know who Lindsay Lohan wants to win.
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YeilGirl says
We have Melissa Etheridge and Bruce Springteen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQpyxh3xpv8
Mark Kraft says
Hillary Clinton’s campaign apparently doesn’t care that Elton John recently said “I would ban religion completely”, saying that it turns people into “hateful lemmings”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VftyZkOUxno
It’s not hate speech when it’s white homosexual popstar hate speech, apparently.
Matt says
Hillary could save someone from a burning house and you will still find something wrong with her. It’s so childish that people hate her because of things they know nothing about. Educate yourselves before you vote.