We know, we’re disappointed too. We were also looking forward to Elizabeth Taylor’s ninth wedding.
Imagine the guestlist. We’ve seen Elizabeth Taylor’s Twitter feed, so it seems perfectly obvious who she’d invite to her wedding – Kathy Ireland and the ghost of Michael Jackson. And that’s about it. Because they are the ONLY TWO THINGS THAT ELIZABETH TAYLOR EVER TWEETS ABOUT.
Actually that’s not true any more – yesterday Elizabeth Taylor jumped on Twitter to deny reports that she had got engaged to her manager Jason Winters. She loves him, she says, but they’re not getting married. That’s very canny of her – this way Elizabeth Taylor gets to have all the creepy old lady sex she likes, and then the only thing she needs to leave Jason Winters when she dies is the stark, shameful realisation that he’d been having it away with a 78-year-old wheelchair-bound old lady. Smart move, Elizabeth.
So many questions were raised by yesterday’s news that Elizabeth Taylor was going to get married for the ninth time. Questions like ‘Really?’ and ‘Are they, you know, doing it? Really? But she’s so old’ and ‘Will Elizabeth Taylor wear white for the wedding, or simply a placard reading Oh Let’s Not Kid Ourselves Shall We?’. But one thing was always certain – Elizabeth Taylor was going to respond to the reports on Twitter.
Traditionally Elizabeth Taylor only uses Twitter for important things, like to tell everyone how evil the press is because it doesn’t realise how brilliant Kathy Ireland is, or to relentlessly compare Michael Jackson to Jesus. But yesterday she had to break her silence over news that she had got engaged to her manager Jason Winters. Did Elizabeth Taylor thank her fans for their support, or declare that she’d never been so in love? No, she used Twitter to deny that the engagement even existed, the miserable old spoilsport. Here’s what she wrote:
The rumors regarding my engagement simply aren’t true. Jason is my manager and dearest friend. I love him with all my heart.
Of course, it’s Jason Winters who we feel most sorry for here. Yesterday he was on top of the world with a girl on his arm and a song in his heart. But today, though, he’s just another bloke who isn’t good enough to marry Elizabeth Taylor. But don’t worry, Jason Winters, there are plenty more fish in the sea. And who knows, some of those fish might be incredibly old and wheelchair-bound and out of touch with reality and unusually obsessed with Kathy Ireland, too. You just have to look, Jason. You just have to look.
Still, at least Elizabeth Taylor was able to use Twitter to extinguish this rumour as soon as it started. Unlike the rumour that she’s actually a man. Your silence on that matter speaks volumes, Dame Elizabeth. Particularly since we just made it up.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Absolutely disgusting article. Some of us still understand respect and appreciation.
Gone are the days of integrity in journalism, the media today is only for hype & ratings, they do not even have respect for themselves to report truth or facts. It’s unfortunate writers like this who do not research & choose to destroy a good person’s life & reputation. For every word of injustice written there are millions who recognize the LIES & that media written words are just pitiful convictions of the careless heartless persons who write them.
On that note, thank you Michael for a great adventure. The awareness, the awakening and hope you desired to deliver to humanity has been received by those of us who respect you, appreciate you and understand you. I have so much LOVE in my heart because of you Michael, you WILL go down in HIStory as the catalyst for this paradigm shift into the light.
It’s time for positive change….for love, peace, unity and healing. I am blessed to have been touched by an Angel in my lifetime. God Bless us one and all.
It is because of articles like these that make me question the sanity of Freedom of Speech. What makes us feel that it is OK to attack people; even people of note… like words don’t hurt.
Dame Elizabeth has done so much good for the world. Let’s not forget that she is the first celebrity to fight in the battle against AIDS. Let’s not forget her iconic status as a movie star… if not the greatest movie star… Let’s not forget her amazing line of perfumes that women enjoy around the world.
How about Jason Winters. He seems like a great guy that is just out doing his job or being a friend to Elizabeth. I don’t recall… and I have searched… quotes from him about their relationship. Nothing smutty (like this article) from him… Why drag a guy into all this craziness when he so clearly has stayed out of it.
I guess this is just an example of someone who is basically unknown trying to become known off the back and hard work of others. Such a shame! Hope you feel good about yourself and the quality of your “work.”
Stuart Heritage, do you understand the definition of hypocrite and leech?
Have you have no other way to to pay your rent than to make up a story about someone famous so you can tear down those who actually worked and sacrificed for their money with this sarcastic drivel you spew?
I hope when you get to the age of Dame Elizabeth you reap what you sow and find yourself with nobody interested in you because by writing as you have that is what you advocate.
I wonder if your tune will change once the shoe is on the your foot, you pathetic hack. I hope your mother (who by your reckoning is also not worthy to have anybody in her life) is proud of her son.
YUK! I agree with the first comment. This article is absolutely disgusting. I feel I wanna vomit it right now.
How much more rude can you get, Stuart.
Don’t respond because I really don’t care to know.
“this way Elizabeth Taylor gets to have all the creepy old lady sex she likes”, excuse me ?
Dame Elizabeth uses twitter “to tell everyone how evil the press is” ?
Cool…maybe she’ll visit here too.
You make it easy to explain why the likes of you are referred to as medialoids.
I must not be grown-up because I don’t like to gossip.
Don’t know why I bothered visiting this trash – - -