Lately, Elizabeth Taylor has become famous for having the tweeting ability of a thousand gormless teenage girls.
But it wasn’t always like that. In days of old, Elizabeth Taylor was famous for the amount of times that she got married. In her time Elizabeth Taylor was married to everybody, from Richard Burton to Conrad Hilton to Senator John Warner to Richard Burton again to that man who played Commandant Lassard in the Police Academy films to Barry Manilow to Richard Burton again to the boy from the I Want To Do A Poo At Paul’s advert to a sexy llama to a drawing of a shoe to Richard Burton again.
But that was a long time ago. Elizabeth Taylor wouldn’t ever get married again, because she’s old and that’s gross. What? Elizabeth Taylor is getting married again? What a genuinely surprising piece of news that we didn’t see coming at all.
If you’re an Elizabeth Taylor fan, you’ll know that times have changed. You can no longer judge her on the strength of her latest work, be it as Martha in Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf or as the voice of Mrs Andrews in a single 1992 episode of Captain Planet And The Planeteers. Lately you’ve had to judge Elizabeth Taylor on the strength of her latest tweet. In case you were wondering, that latest tweet reads:
When is someone going to stop the yellow press from lashing out at people who no more deserve it than the Dalai Lama!
Which admittedly sounds a little bit racist, until you realise that ‘yellow’ is a reference to cowardice and not the people of China, but that’s beside the point. Because now we might have to start judging Elizabeth Taylor on the strength of her latest fiance again. That’s right, she may be 78 years old, largely wheelchair-bound and the victim of constant fake death rumours, but Elizabeth Taylor is reportedly getting married for the ninth time.
So who’s the, um, lucky guy? If reports are to be believed it’s none other than talent manager Jason Winters, who knows a nearly-dead jewel-festooned millionairess when he sees one. Oh, that was unkind. In fact, Jason Winters has apparently been with Elizabeth Taylor for years, and this reported engagement is nothing more than the icing on the cake. The Chicago Sun-Times reports:
Screen icon Elizabeth Taylor is reportedly preparing to marry for the ninth time, according to Us magazine. Taylor and Winters, however, have not yet confirmed the news. ?It's no secret that they've been together forever and are in love,? a source tells Us. ?Right now they are keeping [the engagement] between them.
The engagement is still tantalisingly unconfirmed, though. And in these modern times, that means that we should probably play close attention to Elizabeth Taylor’s Twitter feed.? Not too close attention, obviously, because there’s only so much witless pensionable gushing about Michael Jackson that most people can take. But you know, some attention.
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Graham Barker says
Love being a pedantic old git, so learn something you whippersnappers: ‘yellow press’ has nothing to do with cowardice. It’s a very old expression equivalent to ‘tabloid’ or ‘scandal sheet’.