The US weekend box office is a sensitive thing – sometimes all that can separate success from failure is a stray news story about a cunnilingus. That’s why Paul Walker flick Eight Below is number one.

Because, yeah yeah yeah, Eight Below is a film about dogs and snow and we’re sure it’s brilliant and fun and exciting and everything, but we think it’s probably only top of the US weekend box office because the online game for another Paul Walker film, Running Scared, featured a man going down on his lady wife. Yes, that’s probably it.

Lady-munch game or not, Eight Below has somehow beat the odds to get to number one in the US weekend box office. A film about some dogs chained to a snowy wall for a while, Eight Below has been called inspiring and moving and thought provoking and the best film about some dogs since Beethoven’s 4th. Plus Eight Below has Paul Walker (DVDs) in it, instantly making it more popular with the ‘liking shit films with Paul Walker in’ demographic. Here’s the full US weekend box office chart:

1 - Eight Below (Finally, a Disappointing Paul Walker Snow Film to
go along with the Disappointing Paul Walker Swimming Film, the
Disappointing Paul Walker Cars Film and the Disappointing Paul Walker
Time Travel film) $19,850,000

2 - Date Movie (It’s good to see, in this post-Brokeback Mountain
world, that a film can still be sold on the premise that fat gay men
are hilarious) $18,900,000

3 - The Pink Panther (Strange. A film starring Steve Martin, Beyonce
and Jason Statham that manages to be less than the sum of its parts.
What are the chances?) $16,500,000

4 - Curious George (Has anyone done a Brokeback Mountain/Bi-Curious George joke yet? Probably) $11,250,000

5 - Final Destination 3 (Officially the best horror movie ever about vengeful death starring that girl from Sky High) $10,100,000

6 - Firewall (The best thing about Firewall has been watching Paul
Bettany trying to wriggle around trying to find a decent excuse for
starring in such a dodgy film) $9,000,000

7 - Freedomland (Either a gritty film about racial divides in an
inner city, or a spooky tale about ghost boys. Buggered if we can tell
from watching the trailer) $5,950,000

8 - When A Stranger Calls (If When A Stranger Calls was set in
Britain, the stranger would be calling from an out-sourced call-centre
in India or something) $4,950,000

9 - Big Momma’s House 2 (Sure, Big Momma’s House gets a sequel, but
what about Blue Streak – the hilarious 1999 Martin Lawrence comedy
about, um, a policeman. Where’s the justice?) $4,400,000

10 - Nanny McPhee (Nanny McPhee has pushed Brokeback Mountain out of the US weekend box office top ten, reinforcing our theory that family audiences probably enjoy lighthearted films about magic more than long films about hairy men bumming each other) $3,700,000

Read more:

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE February 17–19, 2006 3-day President’s Day Weekend Estimates – Box Office Mojo 

[story by Stuart Heritage]