If you’re a member of a stadium-filling middle-aged American rock band, you must be slowly waking up to the fact that God hates you.

That’s the only way we can explain why a series of Biblical plague-style accidents keep wrecking their homes, anyway. Just weeks after Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ house burnt down in the Malibu wildfires, Eddie Van Halen’s house has got all muddy because a water main freakishly broke near his house yesterday. Actually it’s a little more serious than we’re making out – thousands of gallons of water uprooted trees in Eddie Van Halen’s garden, filled over his swimming pool and narrowly avoided causing permanent damage to his house.

Memo to God: when you get round to unleashing your plague of unhealable boils, might we suggest Bon Jovi as a target. Again, that’s Bon Jovi.