By getting married to Tracey Edmonds on New Year's Day, Eddie Murphy proved to the world that he was a responsible, mature adult and not the prize bell-end that everyone thought.

And now that the he's proved that to the world, Eddie Murphy's chucked her.

Yes, two whole weeks after getting married, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds have split up. Eddie Murphy must be distraught – he didn't even get the chance to knock Tracey up, let alone angrily deny that he had anything to do with the pregnancy.

If you've ever seen Norbit, you might be under the impression that Eddie Murphy is not a funny man. But he is. Not in the traditional 'ha ha' sense, though – more in the sense that nothing he does has even the vaguest splinter of logic to it, especially the way he goes about his relationships.

By now you'll all have an almost PhD-level understanding of the relationship between Eddie Murphy and Mel B – that went through the traditional stages of meeting, tattooing, engagement, pregnancy, televised dumping and paternity denial, birth and embarrassing DNA test – and it's a relationship that Eddie Murphy clearly examined and identified several problems with.

And he decided to put them all right with Tracey Edmonds, the woman who Eddie Murphy started going out with before he'd properly split up with Mel B. "There'll be no phantom pregnancies with Tracey," Eddie vowed, "and I certainly won't split up with her just because the thought of being a father terrifies me."

No. Instead, Eddie Murphy split up with Tracey Edmonds because of her surname.

It's emerged that, exactly two weeks after Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds got married in French Polynesia, Eddie and Tracey decided to split up, even before they had the chance to make that marriage legally-binding. According to Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds, this is the reason for the split:

“After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forgo having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further. While the recent symbolic union in Bora Bora was representative of our deep love, friendship and respect that we have for one another on a spiritual level, we have decided to remain friends.”

While, according to E! Online, this is the reason for the split:

“He was insisting she change her name. It was a huge issue. They were arguing about it before they left for the wedding… There was a knockdown, drag-out family fight two days ago.”

And, according to just about everyone with the most rudimentary knowledge of how these things work, this is the reason for the split:

"It's Eddie Murphy, for Christ's sake. Frankly it's a shock that Eddie didn't hold the wedding up mid-ceremony, split up with Tracey in front of the vicar and then dash over and get three or four bridesmaids pregnant while everyone watched."

So already 2008 looks like it'll be a lame-duck year for Eddie Murphy. January isn't even over yet and he's got a broken marriage behind him, plus he's still got all those child-support bills to pay. And to make matters worse, nobody knows if the Oscars will go ahead next month or not – which might mean that Eddie Murphy won't have anything to storm out of like a tit this year either.

Still, at least Starship Dave sounds hilarious.

Ahem.

Read more:

Why Eddie and Tracey Split So Fast – E! Online