Looking at Sarah Palin, it is hard to imagine a more terrifying political human. Her staggering simplery along with gasping vapidity is far too close to the nuclear codes for our liking. You’d be forgiven for thinking that things could only get worse if Glen Beck announced his intention to run for office.
Until that crushingly inevitable day occurs, we can look forward to another horror.
That’s right citizens of this failing planet! Bristol Palin fully intends to follow in her mother’s waddling political footsteps. This is the signal we’ve all been waiting for. The end is nigh. Kill yourselves now.
Bristol has announced, not in specific terms, that she’s prepared to destroy the Earth in the future after she said she would “probably” run for office one day, “but that would be further down the road.” A road littered with piles of cadavers and craters.
She says:
“If I saw something that needed to be changed, then I would step up to the plate and do something about it”
Already showing signs of being a charismatic leader, Bristol admitted in an interview that she has no friends in Arizona, and that she spends a lot of time rattling around her house talking to herself while mopping up the puke and piss of 2-year-old Tripp.
We mock, but we could all be calling Tripp the ‘Grand Poobah’ or something when he inherits the world from his batshit mental family.
On her road to ruling the planet, Bristol will first take a job at a radio station in Arizona, where she’ll try and forget about all that Dancing With The Stars nonsense.
“We are in the works with them. Just to see when and what the logistics and stuff of it but it would be a lot of fun.”
She’s also a little keener to talk about her new boyfriend who, obviously, is completely lacking in every single sensory organ. He’s called Gino.
“He’s a good guy. He’s a family guy. He’s a Christian. We have all the same religious beliefs and our families both come first in our lives, and we just have a lot in common…He loves Tripp and he’s just awesome to be around.”
Fuck. Another Christian. They’re worse than the Scientology lot. Until our planet is crushed like a beer can, we can at least look forward to Bristol Palin’s new book. We’re already assuming it’ll be her mandate for the future of mankind.
Cooperate or be killed. Hey! Bristol! You should use that as the title for it!
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James W. Chase says
You need to do some research. I lived in Alaska when Palin took office. She did not abide by the run of the mill politicians and got things done in 6 months that Mirkowski could not do in 4 years, he was to busy taking kick backs.
Do your homework!