The Rolling Stones (CDs), the only band in the world that smell like Werthers Originals, have formally announced a new world tour.

Speaking at a news conference in New York, the band announced that the tour would begin on August 21 in Boston, and continue through South America and the Far East before coming to an end in Europe around a year later.

They’re also working on a new album, which is "around 85% done".
It’s also going to "kick some ass" according to Sir Mick Jagger,
although if any of the band actually did try and kick someone’s ass,
their legs would pop straight out of their plastic hips, and they’d be
left lying prone on the floor, calling for their nurse and wondering
where they are.

The whole album thing will be an irrelevance, anyway. Although people will
be looking forward to seeing the band play live, nobody will be camping
outside HMV waiting for the new CD. The Rolling Stones are a nostalgia
band, and they’re making huge amounts of cash from playing the old hits
to live audiences.

They’ll deny this of course. when Keith Richards was asked about the
money he’ll earn from the tour, he told a journalist "you can have the
money". Which isn’t fair. We want the money.

During the concert, they’ll be playing a mixture of old songs, new
songs, blues and cover versions. During their last tour, they often
played a cover of Love Train by The O’Jays (CDs) – which was also covered by
S Club 7 (CDs).

What songs do you want to see the Rolling Stones cover in their new
concerts? Something by The White Stripes (CDs)? A Beatles (CDs) song? Touch My Bum
by The Cheeky Girls (CDs)? Let us know below.

[story by Stuart Heritage]