It’s obvious that the world would be a much safer place if all the members of Barenaked Ladies were detained in a high security jail for eternity.

But that’s not going to happen. None of the Barenaked Ladies – not the one who looks like Kevin Bacon, not the one who looks like a weather-damaged Backstreet Boy, not even the schlubby fat one who seems to have dipped his chin in dogmuck – are going to jail. And especially not Steven Page, even though it looked like he might for a while.

After being arrested for cocaine possession back in July, Steven Page from Barenaked Ladies has been staring down a jail sentence. Yesterday, though, he avoided that fate – but only if he promises to go to rehab and stay clean for six months. Stupid courts, everyone knows that when you’re letting a Barenaked Lady avoid jail, you’re supposed to slip in a clause banning them from ever making any more bad music ever again. Idiots.

We’ve all got it so wrong. Look at any classic drug movie of the last 30 years – what have they been missing? That’s right, a soundtrack by Barenaked Ladies.

Imagine how much more powerful the final scene of Scarface would be if it was accompanied by the sound of Here Come The Geese, the final track from Barenaked Ladies’ new kid’s album Snacktime! And you can’t deny that the bit in Requiem For A Dream where that heroin addict’s arm gets all withered and diseased would have been about a thousand times better had there been a fat Canadian man in the background wittering on tweely about Chinese chickens. Don’t argue with this, it’s fact.

It’s fact because Barenaked Ladies are possibly the most rebellious drug-splattered rock and roll act of the last century. Or because Steven Page, the Barenaked Ladies singer who most resembled a tearful Hello Kitty-fixated Games Workshop Saturday boy, got arrested for cocaine possession in July. One or the other.

Despite initially trying to fight the charges, Steven Page has since decided to cut a deal with the courts whereby rather than going to jail for five and a half years, he just has to plead guilty to a lesser charge, stop taking drugs for six months and go to rehab instead, as E! Online reports:

“I’m grateful…for this opportunity to further prove myself as a productive and law-abiding member of society,” Page, who pleaded guilty to misdemeanor possession, said in a prepared statement. “I look forward to the next six months as a period of healing and growth.”

Alright, steady on Steven. You’ve avoided a jail sentence, not won a reality show. Besides, if we were you we’d probably not concentrate on the growth part of the growth and healing so much, if you know what we mean. We mean you’re already quite fat.

Still, at least we know that these next six months will be an interesting time for the future of Barenaked Ladies. Because, Jesus, if One Week was their peak of their mind-expanded drug music, we can only guess that their clean-up album will be almost unimaginably shit.