Ah Africa, a beautiful country filled with beautiful African-Americans. And Australia, a land where you don't get physically hurt for sticking your hand into a warm sticky kangaroo pouch if you do it fast enough, and the animal is asleep or inebriated.

And let us not forget hecklerspray-opia, a recently contrived land poised for a healthy dab of world domination! Recently drawn up in one of our extremely long board meetings, hecklerspray-opia'll be crushing all governments before it sometime during the fall of '09, assuming we get awesome stuff invented and the weather's not too breezy.

And what a land it'll be! We'll have a flat tax, no poor, and entire rivers made out of purple Care Bear blood! The Care Bear blood was Stu's idea. In hecklerspray-opia we're gonna put a decent speaker on every cloud, giving our newly enslaved not-enslaved-at-all world unprecedented levels of ambiance. From those speakers we'll play wonderful music from artists like Beenie Man, UNKLE, Archers of Loaf, and Toadies – just like on the next page!

We're getting too anxious, let's make it Summer '09.

UNKLE: Inside off Never, Never, Land
(The UNKLE we have in our collection is much cherished and adored. The Uncle in our collection, however, used to film us in the pool – it made puberty a lot more replay and slow-motion friendly. On a side note, that same uncle eventually got stabbed by a wild unicorn.)

Archers Of Loaf: White Trash Heroes off White Trash Heroes
(Archers of Loaf be mad! They be sick! They be tight! We only discovered them this week, but we feel out lives could have been so much richer had we known them before. Take this track for instance, we can't help but think if it had been playing during our three-way kidney transplant, the surgeon might have remembered not to stitch his rubber glove to our outer abdomen wall.  Seriously, when our shirt's off it flaps in the wind.)

Toadies: Possum Kingdom off Rubberneck
(More 1994 anybody?  And why not, with rocking life-changing anthems like this one – a good time is all but guaranteed. Possum Kingdom reminds us of cruising around with our friends playing mail-box baseball, and then secretly sneaking back hours later to tape one box back together because it was our Granny's. She was on disability. She had cysts.)

Beenie Man: Gospel Time off The Doctor
(This may be the best religious song ever recorded. We first heard it around the late nineties, at which time it convinced us to sever all ties with our Muslim extremist friend Todd, and embrace those bible people that dance with venemous snakes. We've recently been assigned full-time care taking of a 8' cobra named – get this – Todd. Life is one big circle.)

Now listen to these beautiful choices via the magic of Napster

[story by Shawn Lindseth]