Doom Tops US Weekend Box Office Chart

In the past, it seemed that the only way to make a successful videogame movie was to either shove a couple of chicken fillets down Angelina Jolie’s wetsuit or to pop in a quick flash of Jovovich vag.

But now, film-makers have found another way to make a successful videogame movie: a WWE wrestler running around a bunch of corridors creating relentless bloody carnage. That’s why the movie remake of Doom has topped this week’s US weekend box office chart.

Doom is a remake of the multi-million-selling first-person videogame, and it stars such luminaries as The Rock, That Posh Girl Out Of
The Last Bond Film and Him Off Of Press Gang running round with stupid
glee as they explode all kinds of monsters.

Doom didn’t quite perform as well as Universal would have wished,
but the competition was obviously so lousy that it still made more
money than any other movie. Here’s the full US weekend box office
chart…

1 - Doom (Now that videogame movies are finally cool again, we’ve
got our fingers crossed for the swift release of Word Zapper for the
Atari 2600) $15,382,000

2 - Dreamer: Inspired By A True Story (Maybe Dreamer would have got
to number one if it had taken Doom’s lead and had Dakota Fanning
running around a field blowing up horses) $9,300,000

3 - Wallace And Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit (The makers of
the movie should have called the film Wallace Is The Were-Rabbit!
Wallace! It Was Wallace All Along!) $8,700,000

4 - The Fog (What’s the least scary thing in the world? Moist air.
And here’s a film moist air. Really scary moist air) $7,300,000

5 - North Country (Alternative title: Charlize Theron Pretends To Be Ugly And Wins An Oscar, Part II) $6,470,000

6 - Elizabethtown (Kirsten Dunst stops injecting neat vodka
underneath her fingernails long enough to be all kooky in another
movie) $5,725,000

7 - Flightplan (Plot in brief: "Have you seen my daughter?" "No."
"Have you seen my daughter?" "No." "Have you seen my daughter?" "No."
"Have you seen my daughter?" "No." "Oh, it’s OK. She’s here.")
$4,712,000

8 - In Her Shoes (A movie that couldn’t be more girly if it was
called The Lovely Singing Nun Sings About Her Feelings To A Pretty
Flower) $3,900,000

9 - A History Of Violence (Best bit of a film where a man’s jaw and
guts are dribbling down his shirt as he gurgles blood and goes
"Aaaaargghh" quietly, ever) $2,700,000

10 - Two For The Money (Two what? Two more reasons to think that Al Pacino isn’t as good as he was?) $2,404,000

Read more:

Doom Dominates Deadly North American Box Office - Reuters

[story by Stuart Heritage]