Donnie Wahlberg (You Know, The Less Attractive Wahlberg) Not Hanging So Tough with Marriage
Then buzz it up
August 20th, 2008 at 14:00 by Annette Hyde
Hey, there, New Kids on the block fan(s?)! Good news!
Your favourite band member that isn’t Jordan or Joey or Jonathon or Danny is on the market again, and just in time for the NKOTB reunion tour.
That’s right. Donnie Wahlberg is available now that he’s getting a divorce.
Word is that he wants to be unfettered for the band’s reunion, which is totally smart because you never know when some chick is going to mistake you for your hot, drastically more successful younger brother. And you gotta be ready for that, man.
Today’s been a good day. We were able to avoid complete self-loathing by not being able to recall off the names of all 5 members of New Kids on the Block without looking them up. The day that we’re able to do that is the day we move to Cambodia with a faulty metal detector and wander around in some abandoned fields.
It’s also been a good day because we realized that Donnie Wahlberg isn’t dead. Wait, let us clarify…that’s why it’s been a more of a good day for Donnie Wahlberg as opposed to ourselves.
To tell you the truth, the news of Donnie Wahlberg’s non-death came as quite a shock, because we thought he was dead after shot himself and Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense. What’s that? Bruce Willis didn’t really die, either?? Then why has there been such a shocking lack of Look Who’s Talking sequels as of later?? We demand answers!
Anyway, Donnie Wahlberg is also not dead, but he’s also not fully married anymore. Both he and his wife of nine years, Kim Fey, filed for divorce on August 13th.
This is really sad news because everyone knows that it’s the dream of every impressionable, weepy, boy crazy preteen girl to marry the boy band member of her dreams.
That is until the young girl becomes a grown woman and realizes that a 40 year-old trying to relive the glory days of youth actually makes him look like bit of a twat, and she wishes she would have gone for the hotter, more successful brother with monster biceps.
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August 20th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
All Hyde stories should be posted in their entirety, with no jump. This is the best.
August 20th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Hah, whoops.
August 20th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
Heh. She is very good.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Thanks, guys. Big electronic hugs from me.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Donnie’s marriage was already dissolving before the NKOTB reunion idea entered the scene. Seems you’re reporting incorrect facts.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOOOOOOOOOOOo
And as the man (or bumpersticker, I can’t really remember) says, “You can’t hug with electronic arms”.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I discovered her you know. She used to live in an alley.
August 20th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
“used to”?
August 20th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
So h-spray’s changed their policies then…
August 20th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
She could again….
August 20th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Wasn’t it John Travolta in the look whos talking films? Not Bruce? or am I wrong?
August 21st, 2008 at 12:24 am
Bruce Willis was the voice of the kid.
I’m ashamed to say I will be going to see NKOTB in October. I didn’t even like them when I was 11. Why am I subjecting myself to this?
August 21st, 2008 at 1:45 pm
It’s because you’re fucking stupid and culturally bankrupt. Admitting you have a problem is the first step in recovery.
August 21st, 2008 at 6:52 pm
This all sounds a little sick and jealous to me. Donnie is awesome!! I’ve always been a fan of his. It just seems to be more pronounced now that he has thrown himself back into the limelight.
NKOTB were due for a comeback. They may be nearing 40, but damn!! They sure do look good doin their thing again. Ladies all over the world are already swooning and the album isn’t even out yet and the tour doesn’t start til September. lol
August 22nd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Let’s get one thing straight. There is nothing wrong with the way Donnie Wahlberg looks. He is fine off of his ass honey. He looks in no matter what he is wearing for any occasion. Time has been good to all five guys of NKOTB.
August 29th, 2008 at 6:00 am
Hmm..whats your deal?? Why so angry?? Here is the truth, and get it straight. If it were not for DONNIE WAHLBERG….the oh so sexy Mark Wahlberg would most likely be in jail or worse. Donnie started Marks career. Donnie is THE reason Mark was given a shot. Granted, Mark has proven himself on his own…but the only thing he would be proving without his brother saving his ass so many years ago…is how good he is at not dropping the soap.
Donnie Wahlberg is not a twat…though that word could be used to describe a jealous loser who blogs for a living…what kind of job is that anyways??
So next time you are wanking it to Mark Wahlberg, stop for a minute to thank Donnie for making sure Marky didnt turn into Martha in the big house.
Donnie Wahlberg is a very talented person, he cares about his fans…and he doesnt give a shit what the haters think. So go blog about Miley Cyrus and Lezlo and stop babbling about things you know nothing about.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Who the hell is Lezlo?
August 29th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Lorenzo Lamas?
August 29th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
I’ve looked it up (because I have that kind of mind) and apparently it’s a derogatory nickname for Lindsey Lohan, because she seems to be a lesbian now.
But in that case, I’m not sure why it’s not ok to criticize Donnie Wahlberg, who had Lou Pearlman’s cock so far down his throat and up his ass it’s probably covered his entire digestive system. So, y’know, whatever.
December 10th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
“gir” Why don’t u shut the fuck up!? I agree completely with Yardbitch. if it weren;t for Donnie, Mark would def, be in jail so yea. And a lot more girls are in love with Donnie more than Mark. Just because he is sweet<3 Mark is just a buff asshole.
Next time get your facts srait.