We’re just kidding. Donald Trump and Ivana Trump aren’t classy at all – they’re essentially just incredibly wealthy chavs who don’t like anything unless it’s covered in repulsive amounts of gold – but they still like each other, and that was our original point.
How much do Donald Trump and Ivana Trump like each other? So much that when Ivana Trump got married for the fourth time this weekend, she got married on Donald Trump’s estate. In front of Donald Trump. In a ceremony conducted by Donald Trump’s sister. There’s a rumour that Ivana Trump will also only make love to her new husband if he’s wearing a Donald Trump facemask, but that’s probably untrue because – christ – imagine having sex with Donald Trump. Bleurgh.
If you’ve seen Donald Trump’s The Apprentice lately, then… no, let’s start again. Nobody has seen Donald Trump’s The Apprentice lately.
Anyway, Donald Trump is a man known for his cutthroat business attitudes, his merciless self-promotion and his haircut that looks like a monkey’s buttock combover. His love for other human beings, however, isn’t exactly high on the list.
But oddly, Donald Trump still seems to have a small amount of affection for his ex-wife Ivana Trump. And quite right too – Donald and Ivana shared 13 years of such narcissistic marriage that they called the children they had together Donald, Ivanka and, um, Eric. It’s grisly, but it sounds like it worked.
It must have done, because Ivana Trump married her fourth husband on Saturday, and Donald Trump’s presence was felt so strongly that they may as well have balanced comedy ginger wigs on all the wedding balloons too, as People reports:
Ivana Maria Trump married Rossano Rubicondi Saturday before 500 friends and family members at Mar-a-Lago, the Palm Beach estate of her ex, Donald Trump… The ceremony was conducted by Judge Maryanne Trump Barry, The Donald’s sister, and was attended by the man himself… Guests, including actor George Hamilton and Kathy and Rick Hilton, will dine in the gold and white Grand Ballroom amid thousands of flowers, the same room where Donald and Melania Trump hosted their wedding dinner three years ago.
So, just to recap – Ivana Trump’s wedding took place at Donald Trump’s estate, in front of Donald Trump, with Donald Trump’s sister acting as the vicar, with the reception held in the exact same room as Donald Trump’s last marriage. Nope, nothing creepy about that at all, then.
Ivana Trump’s new husband Rossano Rubicondi deserves some sort of prize for putting up with all this, don’t you think? After all, nothing can be quite as emasculating as getting married in a wedding that’s been heavily influenced by your wife’s billionaire ex-husband.
Not only that, but Rossano must be having his doubts about his own attractiveness as well. After all, Donald Trump is clearly Ivana Trump’s type, so Rossano must know that on some level he shares some characteristics with Donald Trump, and that’s a hard piece of fact to live with. Someone give the poor man a medal.