Donald Duck has always had something to hide. He’s clearly in possession of a penis, as pointed out a million times before that, when he’s taken a shower, he emerges with a towel wrapped around his lower half. However, when in public, he’s a degenerate. A flasher. Baring his feathery bollocks and proudly displaying his Anatidae penis to anyone in eye-shot.
Of course, it’s people’s lack of reaction that sends Donald Duck into one of his famous furious rages.
However, things have taken an even more sinister twist as Donald Duck has been accused of molesting women by groping at their baps with his horrible wing/hand hybrid.
That’s right kiddiekins… a Delaware County woman is claiming that Donald Duck has wandering hands. While she was at a Disney theme park, she found Mr D. Duck trying it on with her, presumably under the impression that the law doesn’t apply to grotesque duck/human hybrid accidents.
April Magolon was vacationing at Walt Disney World in May 2008 with her fianc? and young children. While carrying one of her offspring, she approached Donald Duck and asked him for an autograph.
Magolon claims that Duck grabbed her breast, molested her, “and then made gestures making a joke indicating he had done something wrong.”
The list of ailments that arise from being titted up by Donald Duck, probably thanks to some strand of bird flu, are long and painful to read.
April (of course, another famous April… O’Neill… was molested by some mutant turtles in a sewer some years ago which saw the release of her now infamous book ‘Splinter Stood And Watched’) filed a suit claiming the incident ruined her vacation and caused her severe physical injury, emotional anguish, and distress.
Not only that, the encounter left her with post-traumatic stress disorder, headaches, nausea, flashbacks, and a digestive problem.
So, according to the lawsuit, what appears to be happening here is that this poor woman is writhing around in agony and filled with horrible mental anguish which has left with what your mother might describe as ‘a stomach complaint’.
Of course, this isn’t the first time a Disney character has been accused of such a thing. In 2004, a 13-year-old girl was fondled by Tigger at Magic Kingdom’s Toon Town. In total, authorities received 24 similar complaints. Tigger was acquitted of charges, but people still mutter about how much he changed since Disney started to draw him differently from the ones in the A. A. Milne books.
Wait. What? They’re men dressed in suits? Oh god… this is awful.
*prepares noose*
The person inside the Donald Duck outfit, of course, denies the charges. Okay lawyer? Just putting this in there on the off-chance you fail to see that this is meant to be a joke.
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Josh says
The same thing happened to me and my wife on our honeymoon back in 2004 but with Pinochio. I almost punched him, my wife stopeed me but i wanted to give this guy a lesson. A lot of people suffer this from what i heard but don’t have time to waste with policeman and lawyers.
If you go to Disney watchout.
J
MD says
Not making light of the situation, but most of the characters, especially the shorter ones (Donald Duck, Pinocchio, even Mickey) have to be played by women. Men are not allowed to play them. and EVERY character has a handler to help them get from point A to B, because the cast memeber can barely see out of the mask. So chances are, nooone wants to feel ya up, picture wearing a heavy mask with limilted site, and huge fake hands…. Wouldnt be able to feel much through those hands anyways. But if it is a malicious act, then ofcourse something should be done, but good luck with testimony. They shouldve titled this article,” Donald gives out the Shits.”
Former Cast Member
Renniks says
Well, Walt Disney was a cunt wasn’t he? What do people expect?
whatever says
Another lawsuit to over load the courts
luke says
The costumes must gives these actors an illusioned sense of infallibility. My question is: what makes these actors come to this powertrip conclusion when they are dressed up as a Disney duck with no pants? I’ve never been on the tail end of this perversion, but I can image being touched by an Eyeore in an inappropriate way would most likely leave me with gutwrenching flashbacks as well..
Molly says
“caused her severe physical injury, emotional anguish, and distress. Not only that, the encounter left her with post-traumatic stress disorder, headaches, nausea, flashbacks, and a digestive problem.” Seriously???? I’ve had worse happen to me and didn’t suffer these symptoms. Sounds false to me.
sandra c. says
Josh,
I assure you that it was NOT intentional but truely accidental. People and characters do not want bad press or want to risk losing their jobs in these poor economic times. They know that no matter what they do, despite how politically correct they try to be, with all these international guests, someone is always bound to be offended. They do make mistakes, trip, bump people or move their hands before their eyes see where they are headed! I’m sorry about what happened to your wife.
You may not know this because the parks never publicize it but the characters have been abused, yelled at and groped themselves over the years as well! I personally witnessed “chip”, a chipmunk get knocked to the ground, on his back by about 8 children and they proceeded to tug on him and pounce on him while their exhausted parents watched but never said anything. The chipmunk was helpless to defend itself against that many children and furthermore, he wasn’t supposed to. The handler came over and one of the parents to try to pry them off. I can’t imagine how terrified that character was, not knowing if the kids would bruise or break him. You didn’t hear that story on the news because unlike the guests who complain, the characters never do.
I hope you can forgive Pinocchio for his actions and give the characters the benefit of the doubt. Check out a video on xtranormal.com called “character meet and greet”. Its a bit offensive but this is funny, sad and all too true.
sandra. c says
As a cast member, I would like to say “thanks for ruining the magic”. Also, you must never have worked in the entertainment department because many of your statements about what types of things each gender can do, are inaccurate. I will thank you for at least being understanding that the characters are like humans, not perfect and can be “clumsy”.
WTF says
What the fuck does THAT mean?
Bean says
Yeah and guests never lie…I’ve worked in the tourism industry – from theme parks to hotels to casinos and it never ceases to amaze me how many guests make up stories for money, free vacations, etc.
Have other guests come forward? I find it funny that no one else saw this, especially as they have handlers and groups of people fighting to get pictures.
Sarah says
Your idiots. You get into one of those suits and try and SEE out of them. You Hemroids ruin everything for everyone else in the hope of free money from a huge corporation. I can only hope your lawyers make money and leave you broke and looking dumber than you already do! Josh? what a real man….. Gonna punch Pinochio? You are so much more alike than you think with the characters, non of you has real balls. I would love to be on this Jury. Fruitcakes!
Sarah says
And…Renniks? You obviously mistook MR Disney for your mother. Mr Disney made magic happen. All your mother did was give birth to a fool.
dao says
Josh, I think it was actually you who got it from Pinochio, but you liked it. Your an idiot. I hope this lady get zero money and it cost her everything they have to pay their lawyer. Crap like this is why it cost so much to go to places like Disneyland.
Josh, your wife and you should never go back. Pinochio is waiting. He is always waiting.
robert says
What a pussy.
patty in Cleveland says
Well if the Duck thing doesn’t work out there’s always TSA..
Zombie Kid says
I like turtles.
Cookie Monster says
You knew it was all wrong when the wife started yelling at Pinocchio’s nose, “Tell me I’m the hottest bitch ever!”
Ahem; a tad too easy, that was.
hoinkal says
You flew down there to “see the magic” and you and an 80 yr old TSA agent had that special moment at the airport and I don’t hear you bitching about that. Donald gets a handful and you whine. You should go sit in a corner and touch yourself.