Nicolas Cage, the most lucky b-movie actor in the universe, has had a busy ol’ weekend. He was jailed for domestic violence while being more drunk (and as coherent) as a sock filled with Schnapps.
And what with this being Nicolas Cage, things weren’t ever going to play out in the same way it does when us plebs get arrested.
Bizarrely, Cagey was bailed out of prison by a man who looks like the chemical accident lovechild of Macho Man Randy Savage and Bret Michaels – Dog The Bounty Hunter! This could well be the greatest celebrity story ever written.
That’s right! A man who has a wife that keeps her hairspray in gun holsters and doesn’t mind dropping the odd ‘N Bomb’ while giving relationship advice to his son, stopped taking down beleaguered crack pipers and saying “bra'” at the end of sentences to put his money up in the face of The Cage.
Dog says:
“I am a truly dedicated fan of Mr. Cage and will not be granting any interviews about my client as I wish to respect his privacy.”
Apparently, Cage was being oh so sweet while more hammered than a reunion of George Best’s many livers, brawling with his wife and daring the police to arrest him. Which they did.
Cage wasn’t content on pulling his wife’s hair and poking her in the ribs (or whatever he was doing). No. Cagey boy also decided to try and beat some cars up like he was in a Street Fighter II bonus round.
The actor (of sorts) has been booked on charges of domestic abuse battery, disturbing the peace and public drunkenness.
Great stuff. Now, provided Cage doesn’t ‘do a Sheen’, we could have a good few months laughing at his plight yet! C’mon Nic! Do it for the world! We all need cheering up!
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Tom J says
What unhttp://www.hecklerspray.com/wp-admin/post-new.phpiverse are you living in? A universe augmented with URLs it would seem.
Arthur ASCii says
Not forgetting of course that the arrest took place at about half nine in the morning in downtown New Orleans, after having been kicked out of a tattoo shop: a fine time and place to be having a pissed-up barney with one’s missus about whether the flat you were trying to get into is, in fact, one’s own flat… With any luck, this signals that our Nic is on his way to a full throttle yet strangely graceful meltdown that will show that calculating plankton Carlos Estefez how real nut cases go about their business.
As a big Cage fan, I do also feel the need to point out that – as per TMZ’s coverage – The ‘domestic abuse’ charge is, apparently, based on a cabbie’s testimony that he saw Cage “grab his wife’s arm”; police report no evidence of injury on said arm. Cage’s wife is not a complaining witness, she didn’t want him charged and she insists there was no untoward physical contact between them. So, despite the way this incident’s being gleefully reported by most outlets as if Nic was coming at his wife amidst a tornado of flying crockery and Doc Martens, it’s hardly James Brown territory.
Cookie Monster says
It does appear that Mof was shaky-fingered when he posted this one. A bit of cntrl-v stuttering; afternoon detox will do that. Maybe an intern is needed around Hecklerspray Towers to lend a hand so that the writers can dictate their posts whilst strolling around, waving their arms, stroking their chins and assorted whatnot, or using both hands and nostrils to avoid “the shakes”.
Well, so long as MJ fans don’t post the URL on 4chan, no harm done.