Sometimes hecklerspray mines UPN sitcoms for comedic morsels to pillage, pirate and post as if we’d written them ourselves.

Most of the entertainment business does it actually. Nobody knows why – maybe it’s because the scripts on that old channel all seemed to be written by retarded lemurs with a shaky sense of 80s joke delivery. That sort of brilliance has become increasingly difficult to capture, what with the typical progression of time and all.

What’s that now? You disagree with us? You don’t think it’s possible for any responsible person working in the entertainment industry to get any comedic education from anything ever broadcast by UPN? Well you’d be wrong there – CNN still does it all the time.

Well, they’ve done it once anyway. They recently had a crack team of people-apprehenders waiting outside D.L. Hughley’s gigantic mansion until they found ample opportunity to stuff him into a gigantic potato sack and then offer him tons of money to host a news show for them. We heard Anderson Cooper got started roughly the same way.

CNN is in big trouble. Every-time they try to break news people either fall asleep or die from their eyeballs falling backwards into their head and clogging all their vital airways.  You’ve probably never heard of this because they called it a fluff piece unworthy of global attention. You can’t suppress the truth CNN!

They’ve got a remedy for all that viewer sleepiness/eyeball choking – D.L. Hughley. They’ve offered him a weekend comedy show that’s sure to make most people cough up their retinas with fits of raucous laughter! Sources tell us the programme’s goal is to be kind of an informative Golden Girls, but where everyone has more meticulous hair and earrings.

If that’s so, then Hughley is your man, CNN! Here’s what the station has announced:

“CNN announced Wednesday that it will premiere a new, “unconventional” weekend show hosted by comedian D.L. Hughley. “D.L. Hughley Breaks the News,” as the show is currently titled, will feature Hughley’s humorous take on the week’s events. It will also include interviews with newsmakers and reporters, according to the network. “D.L. Hughley Breaks the News” is scheduled to debut Saturday, October 25.”

It’s a match made in heaven. The same sources tell us Hughley’s opening bits for the pilot episode are gonna be about Iran-Contra, the merging of the two Germanies,  and hoping loudly that the US doesn’t go into Iraq for the first time.

We, for one, will be watching. We’ll be watching with a braille addition of the self-administered Heimlich maneuver-guide, but we’ll be watching.