Disturbing Friday Fun: Straight Pride

by C J Davies on September 14, 2007 7 Comments

Straight PrideSometimes – when, like, your mouth is sewn up or something – the only way to truly express who and what you are is via the medium of clothing.

Examples? Well, the Nazis had those cheeky little uniforms. Nurses rely on those slinky white combos for identification. And it's always dead, dead easy to spot a Pete Doherty fan – just hang around Shoreditch until you stumble across the first clueless public-school tithead dolled up like a 'special' child attempting to audition for Hancock's Half Hour.

You know who really needs to stand out, though? Straight people, that's who. Despite making up the vast majority of society, apparently non-gays are feeling a little bit persecuted these days. And who could blame them? Not a day goes by when there isn't some sickening story about 'straight-bashing' on the news. Maybe.

Anyway – the good people at Straight Pride have realised this. And they've gone and released a whole clothing chain devoted to announcing just how bloody proud most of you are. And – while they scream fervently that they want to 'protect our children from the radical gay agenda' – they also claim that they 'are in no way homophobic.' So that's alright then.

Twats.

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Sometimes - when, like, your mouth is sewn up or something - the only way to truly express who and what you are is via the medium of clothing. Examples? Well, the Nazis had those cheeky little uniforms. Nurses rely on those slinky white combos for identification. And it's always dead, dead easy to spot a Pete Doherty fan - just hang around Shoreditch until you stumble across the first clueless public-school tithead dolled up like a 'special' child attempting to audition for Hancock's Half Hour. You know who really needs to stand out, though? Straight people, that's who. Despite making up the vast majority of society, apparently non-gays are feeling a little bit persecuted these days. And who could blame them? Not a day goes by when there isn't some sickening story about 'straight-bashing' on the news. Maybe. Anyway - the good people at Straight Pride have realised this. And they've gone and released a whole clothing chain devoted to announcing just how bloody proud most of you are. And - while they scream fervently that they want to 'protect our children from the radical gay agenda' - they also claim that they 'are in no way homophobic.' So that's alright then. Twats. Read More: Straight Pride

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Gilbert Wham September 14, 2007 at 12:55 pm

Apropos the Nazis, did you know Hugo Boss designed their uniforms?

Reply

Internet Pedant September 14, 2007 at 1:38 pm

If it’s not on Wikipedia, I won’t believe it. You’ve got to have standards on the Internet. Although the bad guys do tend to dress better.

As for the t-shirts, can we really trust people who spend sooooo much time thinking about the children? Eh? Eh?

Reply

booya September 14, 2007 at 2:07 pm

Pete Doherty shat on your face you mug.

Doherty is your God now shoo and go worship.

Reply

Gilbert Wham September 14, 2007 at 2:18 pm

Oh, but it is. Someone in the rag trade told me, and I didn’t believe it either,so I looked it up.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi_chic

http://americandefenseleague.com/hilknow1.htm

Reply

Roy Le Pre September 14, 2007 at 4:40 pm

Relying on the web bible, Wikipedia is not an unadmirable feat of bravado and courage – which other open source of information does there exist which guarantees 100%
accuracy (or, in this case, 1% will doo. Sorry, do).

But that is not so much the question, here. Not too much, at least, lest we offend those delicate lovers of all things straight and beautiful, all creatures
great and small. It isn’t fair to the “communaute hetero” not to be able to identify themselves, is it? As a matter of fact, it’s a cardinal sin of the greatest kind – await thee the resounding
smack on thine bum by Our Lord.

Ergo, that one group of people sees fit to identify themselves, being as they are a clear minority, automatically means the greater group loses touch with itself.

Of course, that’s right. Ja, oder waß?

Reply

Steve September 14, 2007 at 6:24 pm

Okay, I know HS readers are supposed to be hyper-literate. However, next time you decide to start a sentence with “Ergo” will you please just, instead, being as it would be more enjoyable for the rest of us, drink a bottle of chlorine bleach?

On the subject of Straight Pride… Isn’t it a bit ironic that the only person who would probably wear one of these shirts is a closeted fag? Nothing says “doth protest too much” like avowing your (politically mandated) sexual preference on your chest. Although those little American Flag lapel pins favored by (corrups) Republicans to verify their patriotism is a close second.

Reply

Adam Gade September 14, 2007 at 8:44 pm

Haha. Radical gay agenda? Their site is rather hilarious. What are the gays going to do that’s so radical? Have an annual Gay Pride Parade in Chicago? Oh never mind.

Reply

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