Disturbing Friday Fun: Sonic Passion

Okay. Time to make this a family website again.

Regular hecklerspray readers will know of our weekly feature Disturbing Friday Fun, in which we provide you with a link to a bizarre and downright unsettling corner of the internet. Last week we introduced you lucky people to hilarious Commando comic-book spoof Bumrape Island: a side-splitting epic which had us laughing so hard a little bit of wee came out. We realise now, however, that certain people found the article "offensive", "juvenile" and "the godforsaken work of Satan itself."

Well… this week we're cleaning up our act. This week we're taking a nostalgic look at classic videogame Sonic The Hedgehog. What could possibly be upsetting about that?

Let's log onto Sonic Passion, shall we? By golly, with a name like that, these fellows sure must like their Sega games! Let's take a quick look at what the kids on the discussion board are saying:

"I would do anything to have sex with Sonic."

What? Oh - forget it. Probably just some cheeky rapscallion trying to lower the tone of things. Grow up, pal! Let's take a look what people are saying about other characters in the Sonic The Hedgehog universe:

"I'd like see a mix between Shadow and Amy; Shamy, and she'd wear the same clothes as Rouge. I'd like to see Shadow giving her vaginal, Sonic rubbing his fat dick between her chest, Tails at the rear and Knuckles having her give him a blowjob."

Wait a second. Hold on.

Surely we haven't stumbled across something altogether more sinister? Surely Sonic Passion isn't actually a message board for people who find Sonic and his cartoon chums sexually attractive? Surely the next post will put our minds at rest?

"I LOVE SONIC WITH ALL MY HEART AND I WOULD SHOOT MYSELF WITH A GUN IF THAT COULD MAKE HIM HAPPY.  I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS. I SWEAR THAT IF SONIC CAME TO ME AND ASKED ME TO DO IT, I WOULD DO IT. WHY IS THAT? BECAUSE HE IS MY LOVE, MY LIFE, MY HOPE, MY PASSION. HE IS THE ONLY ONE I LIVE FOR. I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO MAKE SONIC HAPPY … EVEN GIVE MY LIFE. I HOPE NOW THAT EVERYONE UNDERSTAND'S HOW IT'S EASY FOR ME TO EAT VOMIT."

Jesus fucking Christ.

Read More:

Sonic Passion: A Case Study 

[story by C J Davies]