Don't let that sudden surge of Democrat power fool ya – we're all officially still headed for the Apocalypse, kids.

And we just know that – like the good folk here at hecklerspray – you're probably a bit anxious to how you're going to handle that pesky 'Meeting Your Maker' nonsense. Believe us, we're as worried as you… Christ only knows how we're going to explain that incident with the donkey and the ladyboy. We doubt 'cocaine psychosis' will gather much sympathy.

Well… to be honest, we might as well not bother. If the people over at Rapture Survival Guide are correct, then we're all pretty much screwed. After all, when you consider the fact that:

"An army of 200 million horse-like creatures will kill one-third of mankind …"

… and…

"The kings of the world will gather their armies together to battle God at Armageddon. There will be a great earthquake, so great that all the mountains and islands will disappear. There will be hailstones weighing close to 100 pounds that will crush the armies that have gathered."

 …it might be a good plan to cancel those holiday plans next year.

But – hey! It isn't all doom and gloom. If you've been, like, really good all your life and always believed in Jesus more than anything times a million plus infinity, then you should be okay. Just remember to stock up on the Sanatogen:

"Your concern is how to maintain good health in the post rapture era. You must build a supply of multiple vitamins with particular emphasis on anti-oxidants such as C and E and minerals. It will also be necessary to have a supply of disinfectants, particularly one that can be added to water to make it portable."

Well. You learn something new everyday.

Check out the Rapture Survival Guide