We’re not really sure why, but this weekend saw the release an unusually large amount of movies.
One of them features several pig-ugly, slime-covered sub-humans who look like they suffer from chronic hygiene problems. But sadly Bandslam didn’t even make the US weekend box office top five this week. Instead, alien sci-fi movie District 9 is number one.
Do you see what we did there? We said that Vanessa Hudgens looks dirty and slimy. She isn’t, of course. At least not until her next batch of naked photos hit the internet. We give it a fortnight.
So District 9 is the top movie at the US box office this week, and it’s not hard to see why. It’s benefited from a fiendishly clever marketing campaign, the fact that some reviewers are calling it one of the best sci-fi movies ever made, and the way that its director did that advert about the ice-skating robot car – possibly the best sign of quality going.
Plus Harry Knowles from Ain’t It Cool has given District 9 a frothing, wildly enthusiastic review – a rare accolade that he only doles out to about 85% of the movies he sees and 100% of the movies he sees with aliens in it. So it must be good. Here’s the weekend box office top five…
1 - District 9 (Newcomer Neil Blomkamp made District 9 under the tutelage of Peter Jackson, which means that his next film will be 400 hours long and feature over a million endings lined up one after another. Marvellous) $37,000,000
2 – GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (The Rise Of Cobra? That sounds uncomfortably like a description of an erection, doesn’t it? Still, this will be remedied during next year’s sequel, GI Joe: The Massive Veiny Cock) $22,500,000
3 - The Time Traveller’s Wife (Did you like My Sister’s Keeper, but worry that it wasn’t mawkish and soggy and pointless and crap enough? Well then you’re going to love The Time Traveller’s Wife! Also, you’re a dick) $19,205,000
4 - Julie & Julia (Meryl Streep looks funny and sounds weird when she talks. But we don’t know what she’s like in this film. LOL!!!1!) $12,400,000
5 - G-Force (Disney really missed a trick here – a film about violent guinea pigs called G-Force? That’s good, but a film about violent guinea pigs who live in Oxford, drive vintage cars and take their time solving a number of confusingly genteel murders called G-Morse? That’s gold. You hear us? Gold) $6,908,000
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I have spent an obscene amount of money buying tickets to keep it in the top 5. Anyway, here goes…
When do we see the film about violent guinea pigs who use tiny machetes to chop cabbages into thin strips?
G-Slaws.
Overall, I thought this movie was brilliantly made and a masterpiece in the works. The ending makes you think, more deeply than you really should and not in a bad way.