The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase was a wise wrestler. He always used to insist that "Everybody has a price". He was also a badly-dressed fat guy with a black servant, but that’s less relevant.

Back to the original point, Ted’s "Everybody has a price" motto has seemingly been picked up by satellite TV company EchoStar. They’re offering free satellite TV for ten years to every household in the first town in America to change it’s name to DISH.

According to EchoStar President Michael Neuman, "As part of DISH Network’s re-branding efforts and new advertising
campaign trumpeting ‘Better TV for All,’ we invite a city or town to
join us by re-branding itself DISH."

Clearly expecting a tidal wave of submissions from all kinds of
redneck backwaters wanting to change the name of their town to DISH,
EchoStar is only accepting applications up until November 1st. However,
it looks like all the excitement was for nothing. Somewhat predictably,
there have been no offers.

Not that it’s stopping the EchoStar people from rubbing their hands
together and giggling like a bunch of sugared-up toddlers. "If an entire town changed
its name to DISH, you can’t buy that publicity," babbled a spokesperson.

In return for changing it’s name, every house within that
municipality will get a free satellite TV receiver, free installation,
and a free standard satellite TV package for ten years. In return, the
catches are that the change to the name DISH must be legal and
permanent. And preferably, the name would be DISH, as opposed to Dish.

hecklerspray would like to put forward New York City to have it’s name
changed. That way, nobody wins. EchoStar would end up massively out of
pocket after installing millions of satellite receivers, all the
rubbish songs ever written about New York would suddenly become meaningless, and that
idiot Sarah Jessica Parker (DVDs) would sound like a moron bleating on about
how DISH is the greatest city in the world.

As nutty as all this name-changing malarkey sounds, people have actually done
similar things for less. Halfway, a town in Oregon, changed it’s name
to Half.com five years ago in return for $60,000 and 20 computers.

And to enter into the spirit of things, hecklerspray would also like
to enter into spirit of things. Change the name of your town to
hecklerspray (all lower-case, always written in red) and we’ll give
you, um, a second-hand manicure set. And a promo copy of a Finnish sci-fi death metal CD. To
share between you. Deal?

Read more:

Want free satellite TV? Live in DISH – CNN

[story by Stuart Heritage]