As if their family albums weren’t already chock full of stunning mugshots from Lindsay and Michael, Dina Lohan decided she needed to get in on the action by getting herself arrested for driving while boozed up.
At 11 pm last night, Dina was pulled over for being a lead foot on the Northern State Parkway in New York. Bitch must have been swerving too, because 77 in a 55 is really only like 2 miles over the “unofficial” speed limit. After rolling down her windows, the officers immediately started feeling tipsy from the fumes coming off Dina’s orange skin. One majorly failed Breathalyzer test later, and it was off to the clinker for Mama Lohan.
Because really, what is better for Lindsay’s sobriety than her mom getting arrested for drunk driving?Always the epitome of responsibility and class, Dina decided to drive her white BMW, bought with some of her meal ticket’s Freaky Friday cash, home last night even though she probably couldn’t recite “Sally Sells Seashells” without making it rain on your face. Turns out she wasn’t just a little tipsy, Lohan was white girl wasted, blowing a .20. That’s a whole lot of vodka.
Of course, Dina couldn’t just get arrested quietly or with any iota of shame. Instead, she started yelling about being abused by the cops who arrested her and getting injured. Sober Lindsay must not be giving her mom as much dough, so Dina hopped on a chance to potentially make a few dollars in a law suit. However, after an ambulance arrived and said “Fuck that noise,” Dina recanted her statement. Because while Lohan may be stupid, she is not that stupid.
Mother and daughter in sloppier times.
One stunning mug shot and two tickets later, Dina was allowed to leave jail after being picked up by a sober person. Within the next few days, Dina will probably release a statement blaming Michael Lohan and the media for the whole thing.
She was just out at some bar trying to make an honest living flirting with rich old dudes, and some stranger with a knife (who looks a lot like her ex, just saying) forced her to guzzle Crystal Palace all night long while drunk dialing Lindsay.
Then she ran out of coke, uh, protein powder, and her pay-by-the-hour friends demanded she drive home and get more. Obviously, the media follows her every move, so they called the cops and told them to pull her over, make up a phony Breathalyzer score, and arrest her. She is just a victim! The poor Lohan girls are just innocent victims who everyone is out to get.
Dina is due back in court on September 24, and just like every time Lindsay faced a judge, I am sure Dina will get off with a slap on the wrist. Because sometimes the world is so fucking unfair.