Diddy’s Special Firework Party Gets Axed

It's a little-known fact that Diddy loves fireworks - when he sees a colourful rocket or a catherine wheel his eyes light up with joy, almost like he understands what's going on - but Diddy will have to go without fireworks this year.

This coming Labor Day will see Diddy hosting his White Party at his home in the Hamptons, where Diddy invites around 250 mega-wealthy A-listers to his house so long as they promise to only wear white clothes and, if they're female, not complain when Diddy tries to hump their leg like a randy puppy. This year, Diddy's White Party was set to conclude with a $100,000 all-white firework display - at least until the local council banned the firework display on safety grounds. But Diddy is nothing if not resourceful, and he's decided to draft in some indoor fireworks instead - and if his guests aren't blown away by the incredible ash-producing antics of the mighty Slithering Serpent pellet then they just don't know where it's at.

Diddy has been through an awful lot lately, which means this year his Labor Day White Party was going to act as a release from all the tribulations that have followed him around, like the way he had twins and then split up with the mother because he was possibly porking Sienna Miller, or the way he's not allowed to refer to himself as Diddy in Britain. Diddy's Labor Day White Party was going to say 'yes, I have been reduced to punting for employees on YouTube but I'm still rich enough to spend more on a 10-minute firework display than you earn in three whole years'.  

But not even Diddy can cut through the machinations of hoity-toity local councils. Even though Diddy's Labor Day White Party has been a solid fixture in the Hamptons for years, East Hampton Town Council has refused to give Diddy a permit for his planned climactic $100,000 all-white firework display on the basis that all the ships in the sea will sink if it goes ahead. E! Online reports:

Council members claimed the incendiary spectacular, which, in keeping with the party's theme, was set to include only white explosions, would act as a beacon, drawing ships and would-be water-bound revelers to dangerously rocky waters, increasing the chances of an accident in the area's Hedges Bank. But that seemed to be a smokescreen for another concern: The town body had already approved permits for a fireworks display at a separate party taking place on a nearby beach the same night.

However, Diddy didn't get where he is today by adhering to local councils' concerns about maritime safety. No, Diddy got where he is today by mumbling over an old Sting record, then mumbling over an old Led Zeppelin record, then having a bunch of kids and forgetting to pay for their upbringing properly, then pissing on the internet. We're straying from the point a little, but if Diddy puts his mind to it, it'll be easy for him to dream up a climax to his Labor Day White Party that's loud and colourful and explosive that doesn't involve fireworks.

After all, who needs fireworks when you're the king of smacking flames out of people's asses? 

Read more:

Hamptons Extinguish Diddy's Fireworks - E! Online