Before the end of the year Diddy will become a Daddy, this much we know. However, thanks to his new freakish obsession with posting on YouTube, we now know that Diddy will be the father of twins.
Diddy – real name Sean Combs – has announced that his girlfriend Kim Porter will be giving birth to twins in a horrific Buy One Get One Free rapper baby deal. Diddy won't need telling that having twins will be much harder work than just one baby, but at least this way he can double the audience for the "See this mansion? I got this mumbling over the top of an old Sting record," speech he's got planned for the year 2011.
Diddy is a man of many talents. As well as making his fortune from the aforementioned mumbling, Diddy also excels at not writing his autobiography, changing his name roughly every three seconds and shrieking like a girl when he sees a clown. And now, on top of that, Diddy can pride himself on having double-strength semen, although we'd rather those particular celebrations were done in private.
Actually, Diddy's semen has nothing to do with anything – twins have more to do with the mother's egg than how sticky Diddy's jizz is – but Diddy has revealed through his weirdly addictive YouTube video entries that he and his girlfriend aren't just expecting one baby , but two:
"I said, 'Baby, I think you'd better go to the doctor, 'cause you're kinda big. You look like you're ready to give birth right now.' So we went to the doctor, and guess what? Your boy Diddy is a champion. I am a champion. The doctor told me and Kim, and I'm telling you right now, no press announcement, I'm just telling people in my family, that I'm having twins. It is official. Two more Combs. Two! World, you're in trouble now… We can't tell 'em the sex yet. We can't tell y'all everything. Some things gotta be private."
You can see Diddy's ridiculous announcement here. So now Diddy can join the ranks of Holly Hunter and, um, probably a bunch of other people with twins. And we hope that Diddy taking the baby preparation seriously – we've heard the new Diddy single and so we'd actively encourage him to concentrate on baby-proofing his kitchen instead of worrying about chart placings or whatever.
[story by Stuart Heritage]