Diddy Not Charged For His Nightclub Man-Smack

Diddy is a man of refined taste and sophisticated needs in all walks of life, so when Diddy leathers a bloke in a nightclub while screaming "I'll kill you, punk" it has to be an especially upmarket nightclub.

Also it helps if the bloke he leathers is so fiercely against pressing charges that he stops cooperating with police and changes his story about so often that the police have no option but to drop all charges against Diddy. Which, as luck would have it, has just happened. Although he was arrested last month for apparently punching a friend of his whose ex-girlfriend he's currently dating, Diddy has escaped from the ensuing investigation scot free. Hooray - Diddy lives to impassively mumble over an insultingly obvious Sting sample for another day.

They say that every man has his weakness, and if that's true then Diddy's weakness is definitely women. No, fireworks. No, clowns. No, pissing in public. No, not being able to write properly. No, we'll stick with our first answer - Diddy's weakness is almost definitely women.

Look back at all the times when Diddy has got in trouble recently and there's a woman in the middle of it - whether it's Diddy's supposed affair with Sienna Miller, Diddy being dumped by the mother of his newborn twins, Diddy smacking flames out the ass of a guy whose girlfriend Diddy was chatting up or the most recent situation, which involved Diddy allegedly beating up a man in a nightclub toilet just because he happened to be the ex-boyfriend of the girl who Diddy is currently dating.

According to reports at the time, Diddy and his paid henchmen set about attacking Diddy acquaintance Steven Acevedo in New York's Kiosk nightclub last month, with Diddy at one point reportedly screaming "I'll kill you, punk!" at him. However, Diddy may as well have chopped Steven Acevedo up with an axe and danced about in his skin for all it matters, because thanks to Acevedo's uncooperative behaviour with the police, Diddy has walked away from the incident without charge.

Steven Acevedo, you see, gave police and prosecutors various stories about what happened until they couldn't prove anything at all beyond reasonable doubt, and now Diddy is a free man - something which obviously pleases his attorney Benjamin Brafman:

“Both Mr. Combs and I are pleased that the DA’s office and the police department conducted a very thorough investigation and came to this conclusion.”

Hopefully this close shave has taught Diddy a valuable lesson here - that if you're going to attack anyone in a nightclub bathroom surrounded by hefty bodyguards over a minor disagreement about a woman, it's best to make sure your victim knows you and likes you at least a little bit. Having said that, Steven Acevedo must make up about 50% of the people in the world who actually like Diddy, which means his next bewildering attack might have to be on his own mother.