Hey, you there! Do you hate your job? More pertinently, do you hate your job enough to quit it to go and work as the personal assistant for Diddy, one of the few men obnoxious enough to split up with his wife just after she had his children?
You do? Well that's just great, because Diddy is looking for a new assistant. What's more – Diddy is looking for a new assistant online. Diddy has posted a video on YouTube asking his fans to send him videos of themselves auditioning for the role of his personal assistant. In effect, what Diddy is actually doing is starting up a new socially democratic version of American Idol, only a version of American Idol where – instead of becoming a multimillionaire pop sensation – the prize is getting yelled at by Diddy all day because his coffee isn't hot enough and you're not doing a good enough job of covering up the fact that he's probably boning Sienna Miller.
We think we've finally discovered the reason why Diddy never wrote that autobiography he was contracted to write – because books are old fashioned, man. Who wants to actually carry a lump of pulped tree around with them all the time like it's the frikkin' middle ages, dude? This is the 21st century, and Diddy is a 21st century man through and through.
Diddy literally does everything he can with computers these days – if Diddy wants to announce his impending fatherhood he'll do it online. If Diddy wants to have a piss, he'll do that online, too. In fact, if Diddy could somehow find a way to possibly have furtive sex with Sienna Miller and punch flames out of your ass on MySpace he'd have no use for the physical world and would probably turn into one great big pixel like the Lawnmower Man or something. But anyway, now that Diddy has split up with Kim Porter, he's got a lot of time on his hands – and that's probably why he's started to look for a new personal assistant on YouTube. BBC News reports:
The Grammy-winning rap star – real name Sean Combs – asks applicants submit a three-minute video interview on why they would be good at the job. The musician sells the job by claiming he may "scream" at anyone who gets the job and "keep you up late". He adds "You know I'm the best and I like working with the best."
So if you think you have what it takes to be Diddy's assistant – that is, if you think you have what it takes not to stab Diddy in the neck with a letter opener after he calls you up at 3am for the tenth night running screaming abuse at you because you haven't found a new Sting song for him to witlessly mumble over yet, then you'd do well to watch this video of Diddy asking for your assistant applications…
Really, Diddy using YouTube to find a new personal assistant is a stroke of genius. After all, everyone knows that the internet is a perfectly safe place full of God's most honest children, right? In fact, screw all this CV-writing and interview preparation, we think Diddy's right – the best way to employ people is by seeing how well they can mime along to My Humps into a webcam.
However, we really should point out that the YouTube community has really got behind Diddy's quest for a new assistant, and the standard of entry so far has been very high. In fact, it's thought that Diddy has already discovered his perfect applicant – that's right, since nobody could possibly compete with his effortless style, from now on if you want to deal with Diddy you have to get through Weng Weng first.