The rapper known as P Diddy is in trouble with Random House book publishers, for forgetting the first simple rule of literature. Actually writing something…

The publishers paid him $30,000 in 1998 for his autobiography, but the absent-minded gangsta mogul lost his pen down the back of the settee and his hands were too big to fish it out, and then his dog ate his advance. Or something.

Paying out with still nothing to show for it has put the publishing powerhouse in a bad mood.

It it thought that they made Diddy stand in a corner. He was ordered to write "I must complete my memoirs by a pre-arranged deadline" 200 times, but the wiley megastar got the better of them by holding two pencils in one hand, so he only had to write it 100 times but it looked like 200. And he still won’t give them their money back or anything.

Perhaps the Didster hasn’t written his autobiography because he’s forgotton what happened during his lifetime. In which case, hecklerspray is here to help with some possible chapter headings…

Chapter 5 - Borrowing from Saviour of The Universe, aka Sting, To Make Money Out Of My Dear Departed Friend

Chapter 7 - Against All Odds: Somehow Managing To Be The Shittiest Thing About The Godzilla Movie

Chapter 11 - Diddy Or Daddy? Who Really Cares?

Chapter 18 – Stealing Jen From Me And 24 Other Reasons Why I Hate That Turd Affleck

Jogged a few memories, Didmeister? We’re pleased to be of assistance.