Dennis Rodman Investigated For Slapping A Woman On The Botty

Political correctness is a sod, isn't it? Things have gotten so bad that decent, hardworking, heavily-tattooed menfolk aren't even allowed to hit women on the backside hard enough to leave a giant hand-shaped mark any more.

And poor old Dennis Rodman knows this more than anyone. Depending on which country you're from, Dennis Rodman is either a highly respected former world-class NBA rebound expert or that massive glowering bloke from Celebrity Big Brother who managed to survive Faria Alam waggling her tongue at him like a terrifying sex-demon tasting the air for hormones. But the language of battering a woman's backside so violently that it leaves a mark is universal, so let's just say that Dennis Rodman is best known for that from now on, since that's what a California woman has just accused him of - to the point that the incident is being investigated by the police. But surely Dennis Rodman can't get charged with sexual battery just for hitting a woman, can he? They'll be banning rape next if that's true.

When it comes to unsettlingly bizarre sexual practises, Dennis Rodman is up there with the best of them. After all, it was Dennis Rodman who claimed that his nine-day wife Carmen Electra liked to push large pieces of uncooked pasta up his bottom and shout racial epithets at him during sex, and it was Dennis Rodman who somehow struck up television's most disturbing almost-romance with FA secretary and possible high-class prostitute Faria Alam on last year's Celebrity Big Brother. But pasta-bumming and gruesome televised flirting is one thing - smacking a woman's bottom until it leaves a bruise is quite another. And that's what Dennis Rodman has been accused of.

A woman is claiming that Dennis Rodman slapped her on the bottom during an incident at Hennessy's Tavern near Newpoint Beach. And not in a cheekily affectionate way, either - in a way that left a nasty welt. Nobody is sure who the woman making the claim against Dennis Rodman is, or why the backside attack happened, or even if Dennis Rodman did it in the first place, but - oh, here's the New York Daily News with the details:

Basketball bad boy Dennis Rodman could be in trouble yet again - this time for allegedly slapping a woman's behind. The retired hoops star is under investigation after the woman accused him of whacking her behind in a bar near his home in Newport Beach, Calif., gossip Web site TMZ.com reported yesterday. The Orange County sheriff's office is probing the incident, in which one source told the Web site that Rodman hit the woman so hard, he left a "major mark." "A police report was taken and is currently with the sex crime unit," Jim Amormino, a spokesman for the Orange County sheriff, told TMZ.

Dennis Rodman hasn't publicly responded to the allegations against him yet, but if we know Dennis Rodman - and we really don't - then he's probably acting the same way as he acted throughout his time on Celebrity Big Brother, by angrily shouting "I don't give a shit" in a way that suggests he probably does give quite a large shit actually. But we can't blame Dennis Rodman for keeping quiet over this arse-pummelling allegation because he's supposed to be the bad boy of basketball and, in actual fact, he's just letting the bad-boy side down.

Did Dennis Rodman choke and kiss the woman against her will? No. Did Dennis Rodman shoot the woman in the cheek with a gun? No. Did any flames appear out of the woman's anus during or after the alleged attack? Again, no. And that's why Dennis Rodman will only be a medium-sized oafish prick instead of a giant oafish prick in our eyes. Up your game, Rodman.

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Dennis Rodman Investigated On Behind-Slapping Allegations - New York Daily News