Bees communicate with each other by dancing – much like a boy and a girl when boozed up in a noisy nightclub. Herring communicate by farting – much like a boy and another boy when boozed up on a sofa watching telly.

Demi Moore takes a different approach to getting her message across: she communicates solely by Twittering. Rumour has it she doesn’t even go to the toilet for number twos any more. She simply Tweets “gggnnnhhhh aargghh oooggghhh ccchhhhaaggghhhh…ah, there we go”, and is instantly relieved of the troublesome brown package.

Well all that Twittering has gotten her into a spot of bother, after some of her followers were a bit rude following her posting of a picture of herself stood next to a giraffe. We’ve all been there.

What do you know about Demi Moore? That she was in Ghost? That she used to be married to Bruce Willis? That she’s now married to that twunt off of the camera ads who makes you want to hang him with eight feet of his own intestines? That she shits via Twitter?

All good and true, but now you can add this to your list: she’s 47 years old. How do we know? Why, because DeMo herself Twitted it, in response to a number of rather cruel posts commenting on her appearance.

See, she was recently on Santa Monica beach, being photographed getting nuzzled by a giraffe for a magazine photoshoot. Go on, read that sentence again: it won’t change.

Demi, pretty chuffed with herself, posted one of the pictures to her Twitter account. And boy, did her fans react badly:

@mrskutcher #sorrydemi that your self esteem is so low you can’t admit to a little Photoshopping. And Ghost sucked.

Ouch!

@mrskutcher  – sorry but, you look old…specially your neck and cheecks at the second shot.. i’m really sorry.

Zing!

@mrskutcher  never let those who try 2hurt U in..we all feel small sometimes Know UR fabulous loveable &Wanted!

Shaza…oh. Okay, the last one wasn’t so bad. But still, @mrskutcher was pissed (in the American way). She responded in the only way she knew how: with a petulant, foot-stampy tweet which revealed her deep-seated insecurities about being a middle-aged woman married to a youthful tosschamber.

I’m 47 how am I supposed to look?

You go, girlfriend. Way to stick it to those weird, friendless people who can afford to take the time to post mildly abusive comments aimed at an actress who was quite well known twenty years ago. That’ll teach them. In future they’ll stick to tweeting photos of their cats playing with balls of wool.

But seriously, here’s a tip for you, Demi: if you’d like to look younger, there’s no need to resort to sophisticated software to smooth the wrinkles. Simply ditch the annoying young tosswad you’re shacked up with; he’s like, twelve years old or something and makes you look like Zelda off of Terrahawks.

Added bonus: you no longer have to spend time with the little rimwaste.

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