Dear Ariana Grande, Your Smug Face Is Showing

Ariana GrandeOh Ariana Grande, I want to like you, but you can sometimes make it so hard.? It’s bad enough that whenever I hear a song of yours on the radio I can’t tell if it’s you singing or a?b-side track off of an old Mariah Carey album (We get it, you can?do that high octave screechy thing like her.??Kudos to you).??But now you want to be a little pretentious shit?on top of it all.

I can appreciate a former teen star wanting to be taken seriously as an adult.? Shit, we all know I love me a good train wreck as well.? But snooty shit makes my eyes roll so hard I get a migraine that Excedrin can’t even?fix.

Ariana Grande is in the new issue of V magazine, and while for the most part it’s about as bland as she is, she does give a few snippets worthy of me judging her.? For those of you that didn’t watch Victorious on Nickelodeon, Grande had a role on the show as the dumbass redhead who would easily follow the rapist into the windowless van because he said he had a puppy he wanted her to pet.? Maybe all those years of playing a doofy ass broad infiltrated Ariana’s personality a little too much, because while you can tell she is trying to come off smart in this interview, it just doesn’t work.

On her music:

?Music is my dharma. It?s what makes my heart smile and what I feel like I am meant to do. I understand music more than I understand human beings and the English language.?

This reeks of patchouli and bongos to me.? And I really expected her to throw out a “man” somewhere in there.? I also am confused by the lack of understanding about the exact language Grande uses.? Does she understand Swahili more?? Mandarin? Stoner?

Then we have her drag queen approved massive hair:

?I use my hair as a mask, as a shield. I hide behind it and it?s what keeps me me. Some people make fun of me for it, but I don?t know who those some people are, so I don?t care.”

So wait.? You do know people make fun of you for your horse-tail, but it doesn’t matter since you don’t know?these people personally?? Is that how this works?? The opinions of total strangers are worthless?? My job is a lie.

Then we get to my favorite part and the comment that makes the whole hippie dingbat thing make sense:

?In America, almost everybody thinks you need to have meat for protein. Protein, protein, protein! And what?s in dairy? Calcium, calcium, calcium. It?s those kinds of proteins that latch onto the insides of your blood- stream and make it easier for you to have a heart attack. Look, cows produce milk with nutrients for cows. Maybe that?s why Americans end up looking like cows! Ultimately, no one wants cow tit pus in their food, do they??

She’s fucking VEGAN!? Ugh, now it is all crystal clear.??In case you are all not aware, veganism and douchebaggery go hand in hand.? It’s sort of a requirement that once you decide eating eggs is like eating cruelty based battery acid, you must lose all of your ability to be a normal fucking person.? “Eating?cheese is like, so totally inhumane because you never got permission from that goat to use his milk for that feta and like, so you have no idea if he is feeling violated or abused.? Meat is murder rawr rawr rawr. I am so deep and spiritual and better than you.”

It must be pretty easy for a bitch who probably has a trainer on her payroll to judge the weight of others.? Also, a majority of the whole fucking world drinks cow’s milk, so why is this chick hating on Americans?? It’s not cows milk that makes some of?us look like mini Jabbas as much as it’s shit like this

Chipotle burrito covered in quesadilla PizzaCrazy Big Burger

Aw crap, now I am hungry.



  1. Destinie Brown says

    Hold on, how is this smug? There was nothing wrong with what she said. Yes, her information about milk and protein is flawed but that is typical for new vegan. You live and you learn. It was like you were nit-picking throughout the entire interview. When she said she knows music more than the English language it was clearly a hyperbole. Ex. “My feet are killing me,” just to put emphasis on how much his/hers feet hurts. For her, how much she loves music.
    Since when is not caring about what other people think of you a bad thing? If anything it is a positive message for those with insecurities. People are going to talk about all your life, you might as well be happy with who you are. It doesn’t make her a “bitch” for wanting to be a vegan or that she happens to have money. It’s her life choice. Ariana is like the sweetest and most genuine celebrity out there. She’s a real person with real thoughts. People want to take this interview out of context and then push it as her being “smug” or “pretentious”
    Watch any of the videos below and you would kind of see what I’m saying. She was a normal Youtuber (and side character on Victorious) trying to make it big through the course of 4 years.

    This interview:

    and this:

  2. Guest says

    @Destinie Brown great post, some just can’t stand to see a young talent like her get ahead. Can’t wait to try and knock her down, or find something wrong, so they can bash her. That’s one of the first signs that you’ve made it, people start lining up to take you down, because they see what’s ahead for you. “It ain’t nothin but the devil” my mom always said!

  3. Laney says

    @ Destinie Brown:

    EVERYTHING was wrong with what she said. There is no link between obesity, heart disease and dairy consumption. None. Yet she claims it’s the reason Americans “look like cows”. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to realize how stupid that statement is. She also dismisses the need protein and calcium (as if there’s no scientific research backing up the benefits one reaps by consuming them) and gets the two confused. No one’s taking anything out of context here, those are her words and she succeeded in making herself sound smug and pretentious, not to mention outright dumb. She’s the typical pious vegan who thinks she’s so much better than everyone else for not eating meat products.