That kind of firsthand knowledge really makes us wonder what the police are waiting for. His fingerprints were all over that weapon, and Diana was the only one who knew about Mustard's gay love-affair with the Monopoly guy and all the kids from Chutes & Ladders. If that doesn't scream 'motive' then nothing will. Seriously, lets book that yellow-loving son of a gun.
Not everyone agrees with our theories though. Some people think her death had to do with Diana's plans to marry Dodi al-Fayed, a very rich Mexican or something. Evidence just brought to light shows Dodi bought an 'engagement ring' just hours before he died. We're not sure if the ring alone is enough evidence to show an engagement was truly in the works.
Now, you show us a receipt from an Elvis-impersonating minister and we'll get right on board.
The jury commissioned to look into the death of Princess Di was recently shown footage of Dodi al-Fayed walking into his father's jewelry store, then leaving with a bag. Dodi's father claims the bag was full with an engagement ring, and he has a receipt to prove it. Said receipt shows the purchased ring Dodi picked up cost him $23,500. Dodi's father claims to know the two got engaged that night. He also claims to know Diana was pregnant, and maybe still is, albeit in hell now. According to Reuters:
"Mohamed al-Fayed [Dodi's father] says the couple had picked out a ring earlier that summer from Repossi's range "Dis-me Oui", which translates as "Tell me Yes". He believes Dodi had arranged to collect it in order to present it to Diana that night. Detective Chief Inspector Paul Carpenter of London's police said such a "Dis-me Oui" ring was found in Dodi's Paris apartment after their deaths."
The engagement is purely speculative, but the pregnancy is fairly concrete as 13 of Diana's African maids complained their First Response pregnancy tests disappeared by the dozen. Yeah that's not true at all.
We think murder could have been the real cause – but we don't think it was ordered by the Queen. We think it was a scorned lover that did her in. Or maybe a scorned make-believe lover. David Hasselhoff could have boned her into oblivion anytime he wanted. If she got married again maybe he'd lose that special chance. Along the exact same lines, maybe George Michael murdered her face off because she refused to get an infusion of Y chromosomes and testosterone. Gay singers hate being refused like that. Those two clearly aren't true either, but it would make a good movie? Are you reading this Toronto Film Festival?
Well whatever happened, we just hope that expensive ring went to a rightful heir, and that maybe Harry cashed it in to buy bullets for his army gun.
Those things don't buy themselves you know.