You should sit down for this, because it’ll shock you to your very core: David Letterman had sex with a woman once.
Tell your friends. You may as well tell your friends, anyway, because it’s not like the information is worth anything now. A couple of days ago you could have got $2 million for possessing the information that David Letterman had sex with a woman once, but not any more. Not after some idiot bungled his extortion plot against Letterman and ended up getting charged with attempted grand larceny.
Still, though – David Letterman had sex with a woman once. Bleurgh.
Those late night talk shows will do anything for ratings, won’t they? It’s embarrassing, the lengths that they’ll go to to snare viewers. Why just last week Conan O’Brien smacked his head incredibly hard on a concrete floor, probably just because he wanted a few more people to watch his show. And Jay Leno actually touched Kanye West on the knee not so long ago, which is clearly the act of a man ravaged by desperation.
The worst offender in all of this, though, is David Letterman. There’s nothing he won’t do to get ratings. Earlier this year he told a funny joke about Sarah Palin, the bastard, and the ensuing brouhaha brought him more attention than he’s had in years. And let’s not forget that time he used mind control on his entire TV audience by moving his eyebrows around a bit. Really, that man is completely bloody shameless.
And just look what he’s doing for ratings now, the awful git. David Letterman had sex with one or more undisclosed women at some point over the course of the last 27 years, purely because he knew that one day someone would try and extort $2 million out of him because of it, leading to his show getting marginally increased viewing figures for a couple of days. The man’s an evil genius.
No, really, someone tried to extort $2 million out of David Letterman because he’s had sex with his employees in the past. We could go into details, but David Letterman did that himself on his show last night. Look…
The would-be extorter has been identified as a staffer on the CBS true-crime show 48 Hours, and in all likelihood the show is probably where he masterminded his devious, can’t lose plot to try and get millions of dollars out of a celebrity by threatening to tell the world that he did something that celebrities are generally quite famous for doing.
It’s too early to say what effect this saga will have on David Letterman’s position. Given his honesty and the fact that he was blackmailed for doing something that isn’t particularly serious, we imagine that he’ll be fine. But let’s take a look at YouTube to see what Letterman’s fans are saying about this:
“Letterman and his interns. Dirty geezer! What a pile of? scum.”
“It’s called KARMA Dave you liberal prick!”
“Was Obama there high fiving you Dave??”
Yeah, he’ll be fine.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I just am amazed every time it happens. How can people be surprised that a rich, powerful, and attractive man had an affair? This happens every day all over the world, and it makes me gag when I catch the self-righteousness of some of the commentators out there. Kudos to Dave for having the balls to come forward and nip this story before the media blew it even further out of proportion. I’m guessing it will make things a little difficult around the house with the wife.
Did Zoe just call Dave attractive? Are her contacts in? Has she had lasik surgery? Does she have him confused with David Duchovny? What gets me is the fact that he admits it on the show and actually acted surprised that people thought it was a joke. If he was serious, he should have held a press conference. Isn’t that what these sort of rich ugly people do? And under no circumstances would I ever sleep with or around that man.
MediaCurves.com conducted a study on 505 viewers of David Letterman’s sex scandal confession. Results found that that the majority reported that their perceptions of Letterman have not changed after viewing the confession. Less than one-quarter (22%) reported that they have a more negative perception of Letterman, and a similar number (23%) reported that they have a more positive perception of him. In addition, 73% claimed that this incident has not changed their likelihood of watching Letterman’s ‘Late Show.’ More in depth results can be seen at:
http://www.mediacurves.com/Entertainment/J7581-Letterman/Index.cfm
Thanks,
Ben
I don’t think it’s that huge of a deal. Who really cares. Celebrities have affairs all the time and NO ONE CARES. Leave the stupid guy alone.If I ran out and had an affair, no one would care. So no one should care about this. I’ll still watch his show, I don’t think anything different of him. Of course, it was wrong to have an affair, but we just shouldn’t make a big deal about it. He’s not some evil genius and knew if he had sex with a women this would happen, that’s just stupid. At least I’m glad to know he’s not gay.
Hello,
My name is Tidel, and I have been an “American” for so many years.
Thank you for receiving me on your site to share my opinion, it’s very valuable, I can assure you.
Now, what’s the big deal about cheating on your wife if everybody else does it ?
Now be intelligent ( I mean “American” intelligent, you know what I mean, right
: in America, you have the liberty to be intelligent, like me, Tidel, and there is no question about that; It’s my freedom, and I have fought for it ( all my life eating at McDonald’s, putting up the American flag on my balcony ( would someone shit on it I’d shoot him in the head with my shotgun ), being nasty with other ethnic groups, I mean, my girls go dressed “half naked” ( Mr. Letterman would have loved to see them dandling around with their little school uniforms, I can tell you that ) and my boys beat the crap out of nerds in school, for Christ sake ! )).
So yeah, be intelligent, and make a “public confession” about it, you’ll feel better, I can assure you, I’m never wrong.
Now, you can post the fact that you cheated on your wife on a forum or do a video and put it on youtube ( you can even do a confession party on facebook and tell all your friends about it
! ( I’m pretty sure all your friends will find you so cool, not to mention your boss, future employer or wife ! );
But why not write a book !
But even if you don’t write a book and just post on the net your little “escapades” or earn that much cash selling your book, you’ll have at least spread a little bit of joy among your fellow man ( not woman, they are sluts and you can cheat on them as much as you want; Don’t they prostitute themselves anyways ?
Trust me, I have cheated on mine so many times… ):
First, people will feel more normal you talking about it, they will feel less marginalized, they will say “hey, if so many people do it, I’m not wrong, I didn’t do anything bad ( of course you did, you did something “bad”, in the sens it is “cool”, you know what I mean
”.
Second, as man, we will have no more culpability of having sex with woman other than our wife, and as for marriage, don’t worry guy’s, it’s doesn’t mean anything, we do it just because it’s a stupid ferry tale story made for woman ( you don’t have any ideas of how many times I’ve told woman I would marry them just to sleep with them, ahhhhhhhhhhh, Tidel, you glorious beast… ).
And what’s “public confession”: it’s like being into church and talking to God out loud, while everybody listens, it feels good, trust me
. Sometimes, people laugh, but they are laughing with me: if they laugh at me, I will shut them up with my shotgun, Tidel’s way, America’s way; God bless America !
And remember, like me, you are very intelligent, you are never wrong: YOU ARE NOT WRONG, THEY ARE WRONG !
That’s the American way, our way, the way of the blessed: we manifest our destiny !
If you are like me, don’t you fell better now ?
I thank you to have read what I had to tell you: spread the good word
Tidel Traner
Cassie, there’s nothing wrong with having an affair. It’s actually quite normal behavior and happens all the time. Sometimes it helps clarify a relationship, either strengthening it or helping it end. And there would be nothing wrong if Dave was gay either.
By Dave speaking so forthrightly about his private sex life, maybe he will help steer our culture to a more level-headed attitude about a normal part of life.
Call me stupid or naive, but c’mon now, why get married if you are going to get bored and screw around? I still can’t figure that one out…but maybe that’s also why i’m not married!
But isn’t this what prostitutes are for? A very good male friend of mine explained that those with money who do not want committment or drama would rather pay a lady of the night than to have to worry about the ramifications of someone who ISN’T paid to keep her mouth shut.
Apparently Mr Letterman is dumber than I thought. I mean its NYC, in 3 minutes he could have had 1 or 15 ladies ready for duty….
either that or he’s cheap…