It seems that intellectual property is the new black and acting like a litigious dick every time someone uses one of your ideas and runs with it. For example, we could sue the entire world for ripping off our idea that Justin Bieber is a travesty and is therefore something to be held up as a hate-figure. But we don’t! It’s a good idea!
Why shouldn’t you, the general public, be able to use our intellectual “Bieber is a Sodwallet” property as your own? It’s a free country.
Of course, it looks like America isn’t. David LaChapelle, a photographer, is suing pop star and domestic abuse victim?Rihanna over the content of her S&M video (more on that video, here). You know… the sexy one that been banned in loads of countries ’cause it’s so totally extreme and stuff. His idea, unfortunately.
Naturally?hecklerspray would never comment on the ongoing civil case of one attention-grabbing twat basket suing another as that could be seen as contempt and we could be taken to America and locked in a cupboard while a gruff Southerner poked electrodes into our collective anus.
Not what we’re into.
In saying that though, it should be pointed out that at a glance, there are a lot of similarities between the two shoots. He might even win. Let’s face it- who cares? Unfortunately the writ was filed by LaChapelle himself, crawling to the courthouse dressed as a giant baby.
It’s a progression that could have been nipped in the bud before LaChapelle lay crying in the foyer of the courthouse, banging his feet off the floor because he’d crawled into the edge of a chair. You see, LaChapelle suffers from a rare psychological condition called “Westwood’s Syndrome” or “Crisicuntamania”, the symptoms of which are similar to the film Benjamin Button only without the necessity of pretending to give a fuck.
“Westwood’s Syndrome”, named after its most high-profile sufferer, comes about where the patient starts off their life wearing clothes styled in an adult way. Paisley patterns, cords, brogues- that kind of thing. As the patient progresses through life they begin to regress through clothing styles until, around middle-age they suddenly stand out from society for dressing like teenagers.
Cases vary in their severity, so far the patient for which the syndrome was named has not regressed as far as LaChapelle who now dresses in a towelette nappy and powder-blue romper suit for all but the most pressing engagement.
Will there ever be a cure? Modern medicine is yet to find one. The thinking among psychologists is that if sufferers were told “You look like a daft git. Grow up and put some chinos on.” at around the age of 39 then the progression of the illness could be arrested. For LaChapelle and Westwood, it’s far too late and it’s only a matter of time until they’re burbling around in their own faeces taking photos of scantily clad women or talking incomprehensibly about hip-hop respectively.
Hopefully though, by suing the?Barbadian singer and getting his name in the gossip headlines to prove he’s relevant, LaChapelle has been able to draw attention to the debilitating condition and the effect it can have on famous (?), middle-aged men’s lives. “Chrisicuntamania” is ruining the lives of the rich and the famous. Sometimes behind closed doors, sometimes not. You can help by copying the work of famous middle-aged men. Only that way, will they be able to come out and face their condition. In a court of law.
heckler note: It took us about three reads of this story before we realised that Rihanna wasn’t being sued by comedian Dave Chapelle.