It’s days like this that make me thankful I don’t live in a swanky, Manhattan apartment, because you never know what kind of asshole is going to live in your building and have a giant indoor pool which might eventually burst and flood the whole damn building. The asshole in this particular scenario is David Copperfield, whose swanky ass pool recently burst (how does that happen?!) and flooded his whole NYC apartment building, leaving a bunch of rich folk with some damp shit.
When I first heard this story, I was like “David Copperfield must be a pretty shitty psychic if he didn’t see this coming”, then I remembered he was a magician, not a psychic. Miss Cleo could never afford an 8,000 square foot Manhattan apartment with a full size indoor pool. Miss Cleo would be lucky to afford a $10 blow up pool from Walmart to throw in a backyard in Queens.
Then I thought, “Wait, how can David Copperfield afford that shit?! How can a magician from the 1980’s and 90’s have Beyoncé and Jay Z money?!”
Then I thought, “Wait, didn’t David Copperfield used to date Claudia Schieffer, which makes no sense because she’s an ultimate babe and he looks like someone’s rapey, wealthy uncle?”
Then I thought, “Wait, didn’t David Copperfield rape some people and pay them off?”
Then I thought, “Maybe I should Google that before I type it?”…and now here we are.
Either way, this past week, David’s giant pool in his Manhattan apartment had a pipe burst and totally flooded the apartments as far down as 30 floors below him. I’d feel bad if this weren’t such a rich person problem. I mean, you could fit my whole house in his apartment FOUR time, and when David found out he was allegedly mostly worried about his vintage Coney Island machines. If my entire house flooded I would be absolutely FUCKED and financially ruined, whereas David is all like “Oh no! Not that “Love Detector” game I bought in Coney Island!” Bitch please.
Also, if David Copperfield is such a great magician, then why can’t he just make all that water go away, HUH?
Oh, and I did Google that David Copperfield rape story, after. He totally DID pay someone off to make their allegations go away. I ain’t got nooooo sympathy for you, David Copperfield.