David Blaine To Dangle From Bridge

Silly magic-man David Blaine has announced details of his latest ‘amazing’ daredevil stunt.

The bearded fool (Christ – just photoshop a beret on the guy and he looks like a philosophy student) has decided that – rather than using his incredible abilities to do something really useful, like making ladies' dresses fall down using the power of thought alone – he is going to suspend himself from the Brooklyn Bridge.

By his arms.

That’s right… having not twigged the bright red warning sign of Almost Drowning during his last public humiliation, David Blaine reckons that dangling away above a 135-foot drop is a ‘life-long dream.'

Hmm. Odd, really. Most of hecklerspray’s dreams involve Hilary Duff, Monica Belluci, Winona Ryder and that nasty old judge changing his mind about those pesky ‘restraining orders.’Not David Blaine. Apparently he dreams about ‘challenging’ himself all day long.

And – in a show of arrogance akin to telling God his beard ‘looks a bit gay’ – Blainey-boy has seen fit to tell the world that this latest stunt will have a ‘spectacular ending.’ So far as we can tell, this could mean one of three things:

David will let go of the bridge and fly away,

David will remain on the bridge for six consecutive months, surviving only on rainwater and petrified birdshit,

David will finally see sense and hurl himself into the murky depths below, splattering on the concrete-strength surface of the water in much the same manner as a condom full of red hair dye, before sinking into a gloomy aquatic grave, trailing his special magic innards behind him.

Or he’ll just start crying and give up again. 

The pussy.

Read more:

Blaine Reveals Plans Of Next Stunt - DigitalSpy

[story by C J Davies]