Whatever you think of David Blaine, you have to admit that when he puts his mind to performing a new stunt he has the ability to make the world stop, scratch its head and mutter "He's doing WHAT? Oh Jesus, what a nobsack."
In the past, David Blaine's exploits have involved him being frozen in ice, being dangled in a box in London and almost drowning in New York. And now David Blaine has launched yet another mental stunt for no good reason – this time David Blaine has decided that the best we he can postpone getting a proper job is to strap himself into a spinning gyroscope suspended 40ft above New York and try and escape by Friday. But the gyroscope stunt has a twist – if David Blaine succeeds, 100 poor children get to go on a special Christmas shopping spree. However, if the stunt goes horribly wrong and David Blaine falls 40ft to the ground and is then crushed to death by a heavy gyroscope, the kids get nothing.
David Blaine is probably the world's most high-profile idiot. No matter what David Blaine does, he'll always generally provoke a response of "why?" from the general public. David Blaine has done all kinds of mental – yet lucrative – stunts in his time, from being buried alive to being frozen in ice to standing on a big pole for a while. But David Blaine's last two stunts have been his most spectacular.
In 2003 David Blaine suspended himself in a box near Tower Bridge for 40 days without food while Log from Law Of The Playground tried to throw sausages at him and Paul McCartney apparently called some people "cunts" underneath. Then in May David Blaine got inside an eight-foot aquarium for a week, only to constantly bellyache about it before not holding his breath properly, failing, bursting into tears and revealing that it almost killed him.
It was widely reported – OK, we reported – that David Blaine's next stunt would involve him hanging off a bridge by his arms for a while, but it seems that was a curveball; instead, David Blaine has strapped himself into a magical gyroscope suspended 40ft above New York, where he'll twirl around for a few days before trying to escape, as MSNBC explains:
The 33-year-old magician stepped inside a gyroscope Tuesday in Times Square. His hands and feet will be shackled to the spinning scope Thursday afternoon. He will then have until Friday morning — a total of 16 hours — to make his escape… “This is more difficult than anything I’ve ever done,” Blaine said before he was loaded into the gyroscope, which was then hoisted 40 feet into the air. “I’ve not tested it much. I will be learning how to do this as I’m doing it.”… The gyroscope, with three spinning steel rings, is said to be able to flip Blaine in assorted directions as often as eight times per minute.
But David Blaine isn't just wanking about in a gyroscope for shits and giggles – he's doing it for the kids. You see, when David Blaine was a kid, he wore clothes donated by the Salvation Army, and now he's a millionaire adult – rather than simply donate some money to the Salvation Army as a thank you – he's repaying their kindness by spinning round eight times a minute for a few days. If David Blaine successfully escapes from the gyroscope, he'll go onto lead 100 children selected by the Salvation Army on a $500 each shopping spree in Target; presumably not immediately afterwards because his head will still be so woozy from the time on the gyroscope that he'll just slur and barrel into aisle displays and scare the children a lot.
It'll be interesting to see what happens if David Blaine doesn't complete the stunt like last time; we're guessing there'll be a Salvation Army-organised game of Throw Bottles At The Spinning Twat Who Ruined Our Christmas.
Read more:
Blaine's Latest Stunt: Spinning For Shoppers – MSNBC (with video)
Gilbert Wham says
I’m sure the children will think it was worth it. Christmas is about giving after all, and what could be a greater gift than to see David Blaine plummet to his death gyrating in a metal ring as he accelerates towards the pavement?
kasia says
I think it’s fair to say that “if the stunt goes horribly wrong and David Blaine falls 40ft to the ground and is then crushed to death by a heavy gyroscope,” then we’re all winners.
Courtney says
He is so stupid. I hope it does go horribly wrong. Jeeze he doesn’t need to do retarded stunts to get attention.
shannon says
First lets see you try any of the things he has done! My husband stated it best he is cool because he finishes his challenges. He doesn’t do something cheesy at the end. Second he also does magic so he has more than one skill. He is a magician and a performance artist. Also maybe he wanted to interact with the kids, he loves kids. I have told this story alot now but a repeat is necessary. My son performs magic he is 14, I have been writing on DB’s website leaving comments and such for a while. I am a regular. My son had an accident and broke his arm 4 weeks ago has had 2 surgeries so far. I emailed David whom I have never spoken with and told him it would be great if he called my son. I said to follow up such a horribe accident(where he almost lost his hand)with a plesant memory would be nice. I asked him to please call my son for encourgment. Well 4 or 5 hours later, he called my home and spoke with my husband then called the hospital and talked with my son, who will never forget that. My son loves Davids magic so for him to call on such short notice a total stranger is a remarkable act of kindness. Maybe you should take a little time to do a good interview with David before writing such a one sided article.
Shannon aka Groovypet2
humza says
You guys are dicks. why hate david blaine, you would never do it so fuck off and stop getting jelous