Ever get the feeling that David Blaine was the kind of kid who got picked for football last at school?

We only mention this because the poor lad seems compelled to try and impress us all the time with a range of increasingly attention-seeking adventures. Yes, OK David, you can stand on top of a pole for a few hours at time – what do you want, a medal?

And just like a door to door salesman, David Blaine’s been back again with another spectacular stunt – this time involving gallons of water, Oprah Winfrey and a silver wetsuit.

Most magicians make their living by ballsing up card tricks at birthday parties and consequently making small children cry, or misjudging the drop of a burning torch and melting the skin off their hands.

But David Blaine is not your average magician. Instead of making balloon animals and poking swords through ropey-looking women, he mainly does long overdrawn stunts that bore the hell out of everyone. Previously David Blaine has stood in some ice and sat in a box and sort of spun around for a while. Truly he is a god among men.

So after dipping off the radar for a while, Blaine returned with a feat that many have almost died trying to do. Yes, the age-old hold your breath underwater game. You know, like he tried a few years ago right before he started convulsing and getting divers to rescue him and stuff.

Many of us have attempted to hold our breath underwater in the immature phase of life, by competing with each other to see who can bring themselves closer to death without actually meeting the grim reaper. Whilst most people reach a worthy 30 seconds, smarty pants David Blaine wanted to be the outright winner of said challenge so he’s had another go at it.

Of course the feat wasn’t done in public. It was done on Oprah Winfrey’s show – aka TV for the dumb. Obviously short of an X Factor reject or a zany Tom Cruise to interview, Oprah needed something to fill up her airtime. So for 17 minutes and four seconds, she let David Blaine float around in a huge tank as she pranced about and shrieked. Or something like that. According to BBC News:

Magician David Blaine has set a world record by holding his breath for 17 minutes and four seconds on Oprah Winfrey’s US TV show in Chicago. “I feel great”, he said, as he was pulled out of the water. “I actually started to doubt I was going to make it because I’d never done it with such a high heart rate,” he added. Winfrey asked him what he was thinking about during his time in the water, to which he replied: “You.”

Blaine told everyone’s favourite billionaire chatshow host that it was a “lifelong dream” to potentially kill himself in front of millions of Americans. And later thousands of Brits when we get the repeats in November. Whatever his strange ambitions, David Blaine is now recognised as the bloke who can hold his breath for quite a while in the Guinness book of records.

Next up, David Blaine doesn’t go to sleep for a while. Perhaps his mother didn’t hug him enough as a child.

Read more:

Blaine Sets Breathtaking Record - BBC