David Banda is a very lucky boy. By adopting him, Madonna has whisked him into a life far more comfortable than he could ever have wished for – plus he's now got two Dads, even though they're both a bit rubbish-seeming.
Since David Banda has now got Madonna as a Mum, it also means that he's got Guy Ritchie as a Dad – the consequences of which David Banda won't fully understand until his first Bring Your Dad To School Day when his classmates will shuffle uncomfortably through 10 minutes of Swept Away before trying to think of something to say to Guy Ritchie during the Q&A section that doesn't involve a barrage of critical abuse. But Guy Ritchie isn't David Banda's only father – there's also Yohane Banda, David's biological father from Malawi who doesn't really seem all that much better. He's only just seemed to realise that 'adoption' doesn't mean 'a lovely temporary holiday', you see.
Thanks to Madonna, David Banda is probably the most famous one-year-old live parent-having orphan boy from Malawi who gets taken around airports covered in sheets in the world. Probably. Of course, when Madonna visited Malawi to pick an orphan, nobody knew what an overnight celebrity David Banda would become, nor the all-encompassing shitstorm that the adoption would create. Madonna's spokeswoman didn't know anything about it, Madonna's husband Guy Richie wasn't too keen on the idea and human rights groups were up in arms about the legality of it.
One person who seemed overjoyed by Madonna adopting David Banda from Malawi was Yohane Banda – David's illiterate 32-year-old biological father. Having given David over to an orphanage after his mother died shortly after childbirth, Yohane Banda had initially welcomed the idea of Madonna adopting his son and taking him out of the poverty-stricken African country. However, being illiterate, Yohane Banda didn't really know what all the legal papers he signed actually meant. He's worked it out now, though, and does he ever feel a bit of a tit:
"I was never told that adoption means that David will no longer be my son… If I was told this, I would not have allowed the adoption. I want more clarification on the adoption. I would prefer that David goes back to the orphanage where I can see him any time I want, rather than send him away for good."
It's a bit late now, though, since Madonna has been granted interim custody of David Banda and he's already been flown from Malawi to Britain. Whether or not Madonna gives a statement on this turn of events remains to be seen, but David Banda's family are still hopeful that David will return to Malawi when he's older and more educated. Even if, as we suspect, the family will hardly recognise the obscenely wealthy young adult who returns to Malawi strapped to a gigantic cross and grinding away in a leotard so inappropriate that it'd give you nightmares for a month as the David Banda the said goodbye to all those years before.
[story by Stuart Heritage]