Imagine you’re an incredibly ordinary looking bloke with a wife who has had much more success than you in Hollywood. Imagine, if you will, you have a face that is simultaneously young and really weather beaten. You’re David Arquette and you’ve just decided to split-up with Courtney Cox.
That’s cool though. People go their separate ways. Sadly for us celebrity leeches, the pair were being all grown-up about it, which is no fun to write about at all. The only fun thing about the story was that Arquette was now swapping body fluids with someone with a funny name – Jasmine Waltz.
We complained that the whole thing wasn’t weird enough and it looked like they were actually going to do the right thing… that is, until Arquette opened and closed his mouth on the Howard Stern show and all manner of idiotic things came tumbling out.
Good ol’ Dave took one for the team and made this ordinary event into something of a spectacle by oversharing with us all about his private life.
He phoned into Howard Stern’s radio show and started blithering on about how he hadn’t had sex with Courtney for four whole months.
Yeah! That’s really big of you! She won’t put out so get her ditched, right?
It’s quite different from the joint statement put out by the couple which said:
“We are comfortable with the boundaries that we have established for each other during this separation and we hope that our friends, family, fans and the media also show us respect, dignity, understanding and love at this time as well.”
How about showing your soon-to-be-ex-wife a bit of love and dignity by not crowing about how you felt like ‘a big man’ while shagging a cocktail waitress, eh?
Of course, like all good celebrities, he looked to the confession booth 2.0 and whispered his apologies on twitter, saying:
“I went on Howard Stern yesterday to provide clarity and honesty about what I’m experiencing.”
“But while doing that I shared too much. It’s alright for me to be honest about my own feelings but in retrospect some of the information I provided involved others and for that I am sorry and humbled.”
Nice backtracking there.
“I’m sure Courtney and myself will emerge from this painful time better people from what we’ve learned.
“Thank you for all your love and support at this time. I’m trying figuring out how to be the best person I can be.”
WHOA! Steady on there fella! Don’t learn too quickly. We need things to write about on hecklerspray. We advise a mid-life crisis style breakdown with booze, drugs and young women while wearing a cap backward. Give Mel Gibson a ring and he’ll tell you how to create a media shitstorm.
Then you can be a good person, okay? Now what were you saying about having sex with Monica From Friends…