Posts from August, 2008

What’s happened on Big Brother since the great big public nomination/money quiz of Wednesday night? Nothing, that’s what.

Phew. We don’t know about you, but this whole ’stuff actually happening on Big Brother‘ malarkey freaked us out. For a second there we thought Big Brother was going to do stuff every single day instead of occasionally punctuate 80 days of morbid tedium with a sloppily thought-out gameshow containing approximately zero tension. Thanks Big Brother. Don’t go changing.

But anyway - it’s Lisa and Sara up for eviction this week, and we looked at Sara’s chances yesterday, so here are the Big Brother betting odds for Lisa’s eviction, with help from Paddy Power…

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It must be difficult being Beyonce’s sister - she got the looks, the ambition and the talent and all you’re left with is a name that rhymes with ‘flange’.

With that in mind, if we were Solange Knowles we’d get a little bit tetchy with people who compare us to Beyonce. No, more than that, we’d actually throw an embarrassing full-on sulky tantrum on television if someone even said the name ‘Beyonce’ within earshot of us. We would. We’d look like total bellends doing it, and it’d probably harm our career quite profoundly, but a little thing like that wouldn’t stop us.

Funnily enough it wouldn’t stop Solange Knowles either. A hapless presenter on a local Las Vegas Fox entertainment show happened to mention Beyonce’s name just before a Solange Knowles interview yesterday, and Solange threw an incredible schoolmarmish hoity toity “Mer mer mer” prissy little tantrum at her for it.

Video footage? Why of course there’s video footage…

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Suge Knight, the hip-hop Uncle Albert, is a fairly intimidating man - he’s like a great big bear with an exceptionally unflattering beard.

Make that a great big bear with an exceptionally unflattering beard and a nasty habit of driving round Las Vegas punching women in the head and threatening them with knives until he gets arrested. Or punching one woman in the head and threatening her with a knife, at least. And that woman’s his girlfriend. Allegedly.

Suge Knight has been arrested on charges of assault with a deadly weapon and domestic violence. Oh, and possession of a controlled substance too, because he allegedly had Ecstasy and hydrocodone on him when he was busted. Like we’ve always said, there ain’t no violent knifey drug party like a Suge Knight violent knifey drug party.

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Like many people, we spend half our bloody lives on Facebook being all like “Oho, look, Ian’s updated his status to ‘Ian doesn’t understand’! Gosh!”

But that doesn’t mean that we want to see a Facebook movie ever. Ever ever ever ever ever. Which is a pain in the bum because Aaron Sorkin, the brain behind The West Wing and Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip, is only going to jolly well write one, isn’t he?

Not to be outdone, MySpace has also decided to make a movie - except that’ll be made by Uwe Boll off his chops on cattle tranquiliser, trapped in a kaleidoscope factory and given a budget of 50p and a cast of nearly-naked women whose dialogue only consists of the line “HEY! Want to get LAID Tonite?” repeated every three seconds until blood starts to trickle out of your face.

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Hello and welcome to another edition of Celebrities That Care, where we get to show you a well-meaning all-star charity song gone horribly awry. This time, What’s Going On by Artists Against AIDS Worldwide.

In Marvin Gaye’s voice, with the luxury of historical context behind him, What’s Going On was a landmark single - a sombre yet heartfelt plea for common sense in the midst of the Vietnam war. Strangely enough, when Bono cobbled together a gang of singers ranging from Britney Spears to the bloke out of Staind to do an all-star charity cover version, that message got a tiny bit muddled.

That’s partly because What’s Going On was already pretty good without Ja Rule popping up and rapping a little interlude, and partly because - since it was recorded right before 9/11 - its anti-AIDS message got cobbled together with an anti-terrorism message that neatly allowed Fred Durst to bellow “Somebody gotta tell me what’s going on/ We got human beings using humans for a bomb,” right near the end.

And that’s without mentioning the time the song was re-released for the Drop The Debt campaign that featured the line “I miss you B.I.G/ Let’s find a cure for A.I.D.S.”

Fortunately, this song cured AIDS, put a stop to global terrorism and single-handedly abolished poverty sometime after its release, so don’t we look stupid, eh?

In the good ol’ days the only people lining jail cells were obvious witches, probable werewolves and all the wives of the king who were selfish in bed.

Fast forward several centuries and you find much more relevant criminals locked up - like cattle thieves and rappers. Personally, we’d really like to see witches put back on the list - and quickly, before they again snare the hearts of men with their dancing and such.

Perhaps the most shocking new addition, at least to the American jail system, is a Guns N’ Roses fan who posted nine secret songs from Chinese Democracy onto his website. He was full-on arrested by the FBI Wednesday morning for violating federal copyright laws.

We heard a deputised Axl kicked in the door himself. Well, he had a servant kick the door in, but then he ran in growling right behind that same servant. And then he stood there glaring with his arms folded as that same servant again put the kid in cuffs.

We really wonder what that butler’s job description was when he originally applied for the job.

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Today is a sad day for anyone who’s ever wobbled their chin furiously and burbled “Blwoooear, Madge” - because Harold Bishop is leaving Neighbours.

It’s been announced that Ian Smith, the actor who plays Harold Bishop, is leaving Neighbours in October - and probably forever this time too, not swanning back in five years later because he spuriously only got amnesia instead of dying forever like everyone thought. Probably.

It’s upsetting to think that an ironic cultural touchstone such as Harold Bishop is really leaving Neighbours. The news has been such a shock to our systems that it even briefly reminded us that Neighbours was still actually on TV. We know - that’s how much of a shock it was.

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Literally everything is becoming a musical these days.

From the greatest hits of Take That assembled into one menopause-magnet stage show, to that Queen-based thing that’s been going on for about sixteen universe life-cycles now, it’s never been a better time to put a fresh slant on an old formula.

Still - no-one’s going to go near the Opera, are they? Surely no-one would be mad enough to combine that particular artform with, for example, a revamped version of a cult horror film about a giant talking insect?

Oh.

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The death of Andre Young Jr - the 20-year-old son of Dr Dre - has shocked many, mainly because nobody seems to know why he even died.

Andre Young Jr was found dead on Saturday morning. However, the auopsy carried out on his body offered no clues into his cause of death. And that means that everyone involved will have to go through an uncomfortable wait while a toxicology test is carried out.

As sad as this obviously is, the parallels between Dr Dre’s son and Anna Nicole Smith are painfully clear. In short this story will probably go on forever, with weird scary clown facepaint videos and a lengthy investigation into the paternity of Andre Young Jr’s bab… no, wait, it’s nothing like Anna Nicole Smith’s death. Sorry.

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A similar game to Ragdoll Cannon, the impossibly creepy corpse-firing effort, here’s Boom Bot. Don’t worry, though - this one won’t haunt your dreams quite so much.

Boom Bot works by you firing off bombs to propel your little robot towards the goal. Needless to say, there are all kinds of obstacles in your way, like blocks and barrels of oil and TNT and the like, but it all adds up to make Boom Bot one of the most enjoyable games we’ve played for ages. It’s the new Bloons, kids!

Play Boom Bot now