Posts from July, 2008

Let’s rewind to another, simpler, stupider time: the 1980s.

It was a time when some things happened, some stuff did some stuff and some naughty drugs were taken a lot by high-powered businessmen in high-powered business suits.

It was also a time when the original The Evil Dead movie came out, made for around $375,000, starring nobodies, with a sense of humour and receiving a great deal of positive remarks from the critics. Fast forward to the other year and Sam Raimi, director of The Evil Dead has just released Spider-Man 3; a huge-budget summer blockbuster, starring some of Hollywood’s biggest names and courting some very mixed reviews.

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The most exciting event in Big Brother history has just happened.

Unfortunately, the incident happened in America and not in the UK where so far the most exciting thing to do for viewers is count how many times Luke mentions the £100k cheque.

We’re always told that things don’t go truly mental until the series kicks off, gets into its stride and sees housemates go quite mental. Sadly the UK version is halfway through and still as exciting as pouring vinegar over your own open wounds.

Consequently we’re switching to America for some entertainment. Quite literally we’re thanking God for turning the equally boring show into something worth watching. Fear not, we’ve got a video of it as well, after the jump.

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Why we’re surprised by this, we simply do not know.

It isn’t like things on the internet, or in the news media in general are reported in a straightforward, to the point and down the line fashion now, is it? So it shouldn’t be surprising to see that a story circulating about Ali Lohan - Lindsay’s sister - has brought the internets to near meltdown.

And why? Because there’s porn involved.

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The race for US presidency isn’t something we’re likely to cover very much on these pages - it’s too divisive even for us. Plus we’re British-based, so we’re legally not allowed an opinion.

Non-partisan as hecklerspray may be though (you vote for who you actually want to vote for), we can’t help but feel something of an affinity with Barack Obama after his presidential rival John McCain compared the Democrat to both Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

That’s the kind of politician we could get on board with!

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Models are a confusing lot, aren’t they? They won’t get out of bed for less than £50,000, but ask them to dress up like the remains of a missing child in a secondhand clown’s wig and they’re anyone’s.

And, although they’re usually slow to admit it, everyone loves looking at bizarre couture fashion show outfits. Of course they do. You might spend your days plodding through spreadsheets in a grim florescent hellpit, but at least you’re not getting paid to stumble up and down a catwalk in an eyeless gimp mask that you can’t even bend your legs in.

OSOYOU, the clever cats that they are, have seized upon this fascination with moronically impractical designerwear and have come up with a gallery of the 16 worst examples they could find. Truly, these are some hopeless outfits. Although, having said that, we are eagerly waiting for the ‘David Bowie in Labryinth meets a giant woolly tampon’ look to trickle down to Topman.

Designer Disasters - OSOYOU

Now we don’t have all the details - but from what we understand Judge Judy recently found an entire earthquake guilty of putting all of its tenants’ belongings out on the curb just because he didn’t pay rent for three months.

Those case details are a bit shaky, pun intended, but what we know for sure is that Judy’s courtroom was shaken all to pieces by a LA earthquake that happened a few days ago.

Footage has leaked, don’t you know, which allows each of us to watch Judy yell at the earthquake, tell it it’s an idiot, and after it refused to calm down - order her bailiff to escort it out to the lobby where it would have to wait until a verdict was reached.

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Yesterday brought the news that Amy Winehouse had decided to take a stroll to the hospital.

It wasn’t because she finally realised she was slowly destroying her insides, it was simply down to having a crazy reaction to the medication slowly digesting in her stomach.

Many people have placed bets on her dying before the end of the year due to her body slowly fading away and her apparent ability to always be pictured with a ciggie and a can of Superbrew.

Yesterday saw a couple of people prematurely attempting to cash in that betting slip, but they were wrong to do so - those good people at the NHS managed to fix her up with some sticky tape and drinks straws.

It’s now surfaced that she’s returned to hospital and her ever-suffering father Mitch has told us what caused her freakout. It was indeed an issue with drugs, but not the good kind. Oh no!

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Do you remember a time when it was okay to be named ‘Osama’? When you wouldn’t get looked at funny, or referred to as ‘that one that is probably a terrorist, just because he shares the name with a bad man’?

We just ask as it’s quite funny, seeing as Britney Spears’ one-time sidekick is named Osama and all the popular press and the like refer to him as ‘Sam’. If it weren’t for some events in September of 2001 then maybe hecklerspray would accept that this were simply a nickname, or shortened version of his given name. As it is, however, Osama Lutfi is clearly referred to as Sam for fear of being likened to a terrorist.

Silly as that may be, he doesn’t exactly help his cause when he gets the master of mental - that’s Britney, fact fans - to put out a restraining order on him. Which is exactly what happened. But fret not, as Britney no longer wishes for it to be law that he can’t come near her! Thank the almighty for that.

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If you’ve ever wanted to waste your time with the biggest waste of time you’ve ever wasted your time on, then you’ve come to the right place.

Rose & Camellia is a game. A game where two women have a slap-off. Choose your power, swing your arm, slap the other woman until she has no energy left, win. It’s simple, it’s insane, it’s Japanese.

“I am the widow of the eldest son of the Tsubakikoji family. This house is mine!”

Who are we to argue? Just remember to scroll down for instructions.

Play it:
Rose & Camellia

There’s some damn weird logic working in this world.

If a 23-year-old male singer were to say that they wanted to kiss a 15-year-old pop sensation on Sunday, they would rightly be chastised. Probably shot or lynched too. Or just looked down on a lot. They’d probably write a book about their experiences a few years down the line, when the dust had settled.

But when it’s a 23-year-old female singer saying they want to play tonsil hockey with a child this Sunday then it’s just laughed off… Hang on - what? That’s not funny. That’s just dodgy.

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