Posts from January, 2008

Nobody knows if Heath Ledger died from a drug overdose or not, but there's a video floating about of Heath at a drug-filled party, so probably yes.

That seems to be the assumption of Entertainment Tonight and The Insider, though - the shows were set to broadcast the Heath Ledger drug video tonight, but they've both changed their mind and will now leave the video unseen.

Why? Well it was either because they got a sudden pang of guilt about intruding on a celebrity's intimate personal experiences or because they'd rather devote more airtime to discussing exactly how doolally Britney Spears went before she got carted off to the nuthouse. Who knows.

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Alesha Dixon, remember her? Yes you do, she was the girl from Mis-Teeq who shouted everything like Pat Butcher impersonating a small dog. You know, the one whose husband had an affair with Javine off Eurovision.

OK, perhaps you know Alesha Dixon as the woman who won Strictly Come Dancing last year, beating such luminaries as That Woman Who Used To Be In EastEnders and A Bald Snooker Player. During Strictly Come Dancing, Bruce Forsyth repeatedly told Alesha that she was 'Europe's Beyonce.' And now that Alesha's got a new single coming out, entitled For You I Will perhaps it's time to see how true that prediction is. And we've got a teaser of the For You I Will video first. Lucky us!

But what's For You I Will by Alesha Dixon like? It's actually kind of alright, in a 'don't offend the grannies who watched Strictly Come Dancing' kind of way. It's a bit James Bond-y, Alesha looks pretty in the video, some of the instruments are made of bits of cars and - thankfully - there's no UK Garage-style rapping in it. But the video does cut off after one minute and 40 seconds, so maybe the second verse is a nang dubplate ragga freestyle remix. Or something. 

Let us know what you think of For You I Will by Alesha Dixon - out on iTunes on Monday - below, won't you.

Nightmare On Elm Street was a decent enough film, but there's one thing it lacked - loads of dull 50-minute exploding car chases soundtracked by endless Linkin Park songs.

But it's OK, because Michael Bay has decided to produce a new Nightmare On Elm Street movie, so we're sure that'll be rectified shortly.

And if we cross our fingers really tight, maybe the new Nightmare On Elm Street will feature a new version of Freddy Krueger who breakdances and speaks in childish Ebonics because he learnt how to communicate through the internet. Fun!

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His racist-seeming mouth may have got his TV show yanked off air, but at least Dog The Bounty Hunter is no longer a wanted man in Mexico, and how many of us can say that?

Well, all of us probably. Anyway, Dog The Bounty Hunter has lived with the threat of extradition to Mexico over his head for some time now, after an ill-advised bounty-hunting jaunt there in 2003, but now a Mexican court has dropped his charges.

Dog The Bounty Hunter's a free man again! Finally he'll be able to ditch that ridiculous disguise of his and live his life normally again.

That is a disguise, right? 

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Anyone with personal issues that can only be solved by a level-headed pop-psych Vulcan who looks uncannily like Ben Kingsley will be a little bit upset with this.

Montel Williams is quitting his talk show.

Montel has announced that The Montel Williams Show will come to an end this season, leaving the world's troubled in the capable hands of Dr Phil. Well, capable insomuch that's he's basically just a big shouting bear with alopecia. But you get the idea.

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It's so easy to become richer than your wildest dreams - all you need is a mockney husband, a giant glittery crucifix and a ghastly purple leotard that shows off your old lady's tumpsy in more detail than anyone really wanted.

As far as we can tell, that's been Madonna's trick, and it seems to have done OK for her - a Forbes survey has declared that Madonna is the richest woman in music, earning about $72 million a year.

Ask yourself this, though - does all that money make Madonna happy? Yes, of course it does. But does it make her look less wrinkled and veiny? No is does not. Ergo we win.

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Wow, are you really still wearing that infuriating red Kabbalah string on your wrist and drinking that bottled Kabbalah water? That is so five minutes ago. Kabbalah’s out, you know.

And how can we be so sure it’s out? Because two of the religion’s biggest celebrity zealots, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, seem to have abandoned the Kabbalah ship.  

That’s what we’d have done, too. Kabbalah doesn’t have near as nice a ship as the Scientology cruise ship, Freewinds, anyway. 

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Forget bloating stomachs and tender boobies - the only way we'll ever know if Angelina Jolie is pregnant with twins or not is if reporters start getting arrested near her house.

What's that? A reporter has been arrested near Angelina Jolie's house? Then the prophesies are true - Angelina Jolie is going to be a mother again!

Either that or she and Brad Pitt just enjoy trying to lock up anyone who tries to get too close to them for free. But, screw it, let's just go with the pregnancy thing.

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It wasn't so long ago that we were banging on about Stars in our MySpace Trawl feature. Whilst we'd like to think that it inspired somebody to invest in their music, we couldn't be quite sure. No banners were on prominent display with slogans such as "Hecklerspray brought us here" and "honk if you like hecklerspray".

Still you can't have everything you want in life, but regardless of our own potential ego-boosting propaganda of this band not being recognised, the venue was still rammed to capacity. For those who had never been to the place before, it was a unique little venue. The theatre-style layout presented the perfect viewing platform from nearly every angle. Though if you wanted to be packed in close with your fellow gig-goer, the chance was still there.

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Honestly we haven’t been picking bands based on their name over the last few weeks. It just seems that the people out there with the more bonkers names are capturing our attention.

We’re sure that if someone decided to call themselves Generic Sounding Indie we’d listen too. We’re nice people and we give everyone a fair chance. After last week’s look into the world of the cover version, we’ve gone back to look at some music which makes us want to dance in the street and force others to join us. Sadly we were detained by the police for grabbing people and waving their arms frantically around. Some call that partial assault but we call it a discothèque groovetastic move.

But who could blame us when we were listening to Unicorn Dream Attack. 

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If you ever went to school with someone who'd watch you sweat blood over some coursework only to scribble over it with a pen as soon as you finished, then Paint Wars isn't for you.

Honestly, it'll bring on some sort of post-traumatic stress whatsit and you'll end up shooting a load of people dead in a shopping centre. Because in Paint Wars you needs to trace over some shapes with your mouse while trying to protect your masterpiece from paint-trailing tanks hell-bent on trying to muck it all up. And we had enough trouble with the tracing bit…

Play Paint Wars now 

You have to this for Cheryl Cole - at least she's got her dignity.

Sure, Cheryl may have stuck with Ashley Cole even though she knew he was cheating on her with a bunch of women, and only decided to leave him because she was embarrassed that the papers eventually found out, but apart from that Cheryl Cole's still got her dignity. And she once sang a song called Racey Lacey, but apart from that Cheryl's got dignity coming out of her wazoo.

Cheryl Cole's left Ashley Cole by the way. We think that was our original point.

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